Life, Lessons, and Ministry in the United Kingdom

Creation, Colours, and Canvases

2011-09-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

This past week I've been challenged in my view of God--particularly in His role as Creator. His creativity has captured my heart, filled my mind with awe, and left me asking some questions. How could God be SO creative? What inspired Him to create nature and people like you and I, just the way He did? How could He create something as intricate as a human being (or anything else for that matter) without any previous guide, sketch, or example to follow? We live in a culture and world where everyone else is using everyone else's ideas, quotes, drawings, you name it. Type in any well known pastors name on either facebook or twitter and re-post their thought for the day as if it were you're own; everyone else is doing it. I don't know about you, but if I sit down with a blank sheet of paper and want to create some sort of "new creation", I typically sit, stare, and draw a blank. I have no idea what to write or draw. Why? Because everything I can think of drawing or writing has already been drawn and or written before. This was not the case with God; infact, it was the complete opposite. God spoke, and the world was made. His inspiration, His beauty, His glory, His perfection shone through everything He had created--Amazing! He created something out of nothing. As humans, we are incapable of creating something out of nothing. We can only create what's already been created; we create something out of...something else. I believe that in ALL people and things, God has a glorious reason and purpose for bringing them into 'being' or existence; I am raising no argument there. However, I am intrigued by His creativity and humbly inspired by it. I think I tend to forget God's goodness and power in all that He has created, stealing away from His glory by robbing Him of my thoughts about it. Last Sunday, I attended the evening service at my new church and was inspired by an analogy used by the Preacher. He was talking about the idea of originals vs. reprints, mostly referring to artwork. Here is the analogy he gave:Suppose you wanted to hang a portrait of the Mona Lisa in your front room: nowadays, thanks to technology, a print of the Mona Lisa is just a mouse click away, literally. Simply find the portrait online, print a copy, stick it in a frame, and hang it on your wall. Not so difficult, is it? In doing so, however, a person is not going to be all that interested in the artwork displayed on your wall, nor would a thief (most likely) break into your home to steal the painting. Why? Simply because it is a fake; it is not the original masterpiece. It is merely a re-print of the masterpiece; therefore, it's of little or no real value. The frame will probably be more enticing or expensive than the actual "work of art" inside. However, suppose you want a copy of the original painting; It's not so easily done. The Mona Lisa is protected not only by security guards, but also by laser beams, cameras, and more. The security around this original masterpiece makes it impossible for the painting to be touched or stolen. Why the tight security? Simply because it is the original. It is the first. It is THE painting-the one and only true version of itself. Not only is the Mona Lisa surrounded by high surveillance and security; it is kept in Louvre, Paris. In other words, you're going to have to travel to France to even get a glimpse of it, let alone, try and get your hands on it. The Preacher's point was this. God has created you and I His original masterpieces; we are the only real version of ourselves and THAT makes us extremely valuable and precious; we are of great worth simply because we are the Master's. God couldn't love us more. We are His original design; the crown of His creation. We are His personal art work, His idea, and His creation. We are not just some accident, nor are we merely the left over colours smeared carelessly onto a dirty canvas. We are, if you will, the first painting to be painted on a brand new, clean, and expensive canvas. Why? Because we are worth everything to Him. We are worth the death of His One and Only Son, to HIM. Wow. And what has He painted us with? The brightest, most beautiful, unopened, untouched, pure, and perfect colours. We are the workmanship of God, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Eph. 2:10).If anyone or anything is going to try and overtake us, they are going to have a lot of laser beams to get through first. God is a big God and He will not allow His masterpiece(s) to be harmed, or stolen from Him. You are the workmanship of the Creator, created in Christ to do good works, which God has prepared for YOU to do, in advance to you even being alive. Still trying to wrap my mind around this beautiful creativity of God. Praying you will do the same, or at least give Him some thought this week. It's the very least we can do. Let's remember our Creator. Blessings,Rachel

Plymouth welcomes my fiance!

2011-08-29T03:33:00.000-07:00

Well today is the day! My fiance Jamie is officially moving down to Plymouth!! He is starting a new job down here and wants to be closer to me as we prepare for the wedding, which I'm pretty happy about :) I truly couldn't be more excited after these past 3 years of always living apart-whether it was 2 hours or thousands of miles across an ocean, distance will no longer be our greatest obstacle. Jamie will be living with some good friends of ours for the next two months leading up to the wedding; we are so so grateful for their kind offer to accommodate him. We will literally be a 5 minute walk apart for the first time in our relationship and good byes will never have the same effect on us. It will be good night, rather than good bye and that sounds pretty fantastic if you ask me. God's blessings are so great, this all just feels like a crazy awesome dream. The coolest part? It's reality :)

Hope you are able to find God in the little things today cause He's all around!

Blessings,
Rachel

At Home in the Kingdom, Finally

2011-08-27T13:12:00.000-07:00

On Monday 22 August, I stood before the UK border awaiting to hear the immigration officer's verdict. The two possible outcomes? To grant me permission into the country, or to send me back to my own.

So many things were running through my mind on the plane before landing: What if I don't get in? What will I do? How will I handle it? Can Jamie handle that? What about my schooling? What about this dream job at the church that I'm about to begin!? What IF I actually DON'T get in?

As much as I tried not to ask the questions, I went back and forth. I lost confidence, I gained confidence. I felt sick, I felt ok. However, as we began our descent into England, the most amazing thing happened!

With butterflies swarming around my stomach like crazy and nerves and emotions flying high, I lifted my little window seat covering, and there it was. Oh, what a beautiful sight it was as well.The beautiful sight I had longed to see for 12 months. There below me was jolly, little, old England. I could see the beautiful green English countryside for miles and miles. It felt so close I could almost reach it. Suddenly, to my surprise, the nerves left me and God's peace immediately began to fill me from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I was HOME. All of a sudden, the questions were gone and I knew what the outcome would be. It was as if God was gently whispering to me, "Rach, I've already stamped your passport. All you have to do is walk through. Oh and Rach? Remember...you can trust Me."

Next thing I know, I'm off the plane, standing in line at customs, waiting to be called by the next available officer. Although the queue was fairly long, it was moving quicker than I had expected. The nerves were still being covered by God's peace, as if His peace was holding them down, not allowing them to flutter around in my body. It was amazing.

Then it happened. The man in front of me went to the right, which meant my turn was soon coming. All of a sudden I heard the voice I had dreaded to hear all year, "Next please." I remembered the Lord, thanked Him for His peace, and asked Him to speak on my behalf to the immigration officer. Next thing I know, I'm smiling and cracking jokes with this rather large and supposably intimidating officer.

He asked me one question, STAMPED my passport, and continued to casually ask me questions as though he was interested. I thanked him (trying to hold back a massive smile) and walked on through, praising God and basically laughing out loud at how simple the whole process really was. I was filled with inexpressible joy!

You can figure out the rest...got my luggage, used the restroom, and eagerly walked out to meet my fiance and friend who were anxiously awaiting my arrival. They spotted me before I spotted them, as there were so many people around waiting for their loved ones. It was absolutely amazing to see them both. It felt unreal. The anticipation and excitement was so great that it felt too good to be true, but too true to be anything less than incredible!

We then made the journey back to my beloved Plymouth together. As we drove into the car park at Methodist Central Hall (The church I will be working for), I can honestly say that I felt at home for the first time in the whole year.

Fast forwarding....

Currently, I am sitting in my new flat in Plymouth, drinking a cuppa tea, and looking out my window at the beautiful city I've missed so much. It has been so fun to walk the streets again and to settle back into the English ways. There are truly no words to describe just how good it is to be back. It feels right, and it feels wonderful. God's peace is filling my heart completely. Being back has only inspired me and moved me to praise God more for His goodness and faithfulness towards me, and Jamie as well.

How could I not praise God in all of this? Just under a week ago, I got to see the man I love for the first time in 8 months and returned easily to the country and people God's given me such a love and passion for.

There is truly no feeling that even compares to what I felt that day. Especially when I saw my man waiting for me in Heathrow. To be able to see him, to be near him, and to feel his arms holding me was absolutely incredible. Jamie and I spent 350 days apart total, but this one day was worth every moment of all the others. It made all of the difficulties, the tearful nights, the loneliness, the longing to see one another, the time difference, the skype calls...all of it-it made everything we had walked through completely worth it. We had passed the test. We had made it and THAT felt amazing!

God is so good. We are so excited about all that He has planned for us as a soon to be married couple. School and work start soon, and our wedding is just under 2 months away. Will keep you all posted :)

For now, God bless and thank you for your love, support, encouragement, and prayers. It means the world to me, and to us.

Love from WITHIN the Kingdom,
Rachel

I Think I Just Found My Dream House :)

2010-11-07T01:58:00.001-07:00

Letters to England: Letter 1

2010-11-02T20:22:00.000-07:00

Dear England,

Whilst I sit here in America, I can't help but recall all the times we've shared together over the past couple years. We've went through a lot, you and I; we've exchanged our share of awesome memories, laughter, and even some painful times, as well as tears. Through it all, however, you have been the place I've felt called to be. I long to be back in the beautiful English country side, sitting next to the sea, and marveling at the surrounding beauty. Although I'm American, I've never felt so at home as I did when I lived amongst you and your "people". I miss your humour. I miss your slow pace of life. I miss sharing life with you. I feel as though I left my heart there with you and feel as though I'm numb and hardly here, here. It's the strangest feeling and mix of emotions. Oh how I long to see you and the people you hold. Thank you for welcoming me as you did and for allowing me to become a part of your culture, your lives, and your world. Thank you for sharing all that you did with me (I now have a new affection and love for tea and Thai Sweet Chile Crisps especially!) and for allowing me to share my life, faith, and more with you in return. I miss you dearly, England. I really do. My heart longs to be back in the beautiful UK. I can't wait to come home to you again soon. I will try my best to hurry.

Love,
Rachel, your want to be British girl

What Good is there in “Good bye”?

2010-08-14T15:31:00.001-07:00

Well, last night happened. Regardless of how much I didn't want it to come and dreaded the thought of it, the time came to say good bye to two of the closest friends that I’ve made since living in England. I praise God for Jeff and Antonia Jacobson--a godly, amazing, and gracious couple who have been a constant encouragement and blessing to me through it all-the ups, the downs, and all the in-between. I can honestly say that God has used their friendship to only strengthen and enhance my relationship with Christ and mh love for Him. I love Jesus more now then did before I met Jeff and Antonia. I feel so humbled to think that God would choose to love someone like ME through such special people like THEM. Wow. Who am I, that He would bless ME so much? I will miss them dearly. I will miss all the hangouts and good times. I will miss the hard times as well, when we were able to share in the pain together and pray and encourage one another through the seemingly impossible times. I will miss the spontaneous coffee dates and long chats about God, faith, and life in general. I will miss all the little things. Eating pizza, watching films, and laughing at silly little things. I’ve never had such special friends, and feel so honoured to have had the privilege of sharing life with them this past year and a half or so. They’ve taught me to love more through the way they love much. They’ve taught me to have more faith, as they themselves live faithfully in front of my eyes. They’ve demonstrated the heart of a generous and willing giver, a worshiper of Jesus as they themselves give so generously to myself and others. The Jacobson’s have taught me far more about life and faith and love for Jesus more than they will ever know, and I am truly grateful for it all. Oh how I’ll miss them while I’m gone and they remain here in beautiful little old England;however, I praise God for the fact that I will see them again and rejoice greatly in this! That is the beauty of hope in Christ. What seems to be the end for us is never the end for God. So even though this good bye feels somewhat like the end, really it is just the beginning of a beautiful and precious God-given friendship that God in His goodness will continue to grow, strengthen, and shape for His glory. And on top of that, I believe this friendship is a great testimony of just how good our God is. The fact that He would choose to teach us and reveal His glory to us through one another is simply amazing. I praise God for these two amazing people He’s graciously brought into my life. My prayer is that wherever we are, God would be glorified and magnified because of this incredible friendship He has blessed us with. A good bye is still always hard. There have been many tears shed and I mean many. But, God is good and He is faithful. I confidently expect that I will see my dear friends again, and when that day comes, man, what a sweet season of celebration, worship, and rejoicing together in God our Saviour that will be. Man, I really can’t wait.

To the Jacobson’s,

Thank you both so much for encouraging me, loving me, and supporting me through everything—financially, physically, and spiritually. I feel so blessed to know you and am confident that God will only strengthen our friendship across the miles. I praise the Lord for you, and cannot thank you enough for the example you have set for me as a godly couple, as friends, and as a brother and sister in Christ. I am eternally thankful for all you’ve done for me. I love Jesus more through knowing you and seeing Him in you. Thank you for helping me become more like Him. May it all be fore His glory. Thanks again. Thanks will truly never be enough.

So what good is there in "good bye"? There is Jesus. There is hope in a never-ending life with Him in heaven, shared with the angels and other believers. Oh man. I can't wait for heaven! How exciting that will be to be with Jesus and all other believers, including my dear friends Jeff and Antonia, together worshiping Christ for all of eternity. Yay :)

The End is in Sight

2010-08-02T07:24:00.001-07:00

In 19 days I will be leaving England and heading back to the United States for an unknown season of time. This morning I woke up feeling ill and unstable at the thought of this all coming so quickly. Saying goodbye is becoming wearing and impossible and trying to fit everyone and everything in for a last "coffee" or hang out is exhausting in every way. The end is now in sight and it's a scarier place to be than I would've ever imagined. It seems funny to me that I'm feeling what I am, as really I'm going "home" to stay for the first time in two years. You'd think I'd be jumping with joy at the thought of this. The thing is, I'm not truly going home. I feel like I'm leaving my home and all the wonderful people and things that it holds only to step back into the unknown. Although I am American, I know it will be quite the culture shock for me to come back to live in America- emotionally, physically, and spiritually-everything is going to be different than what I've come to know and love for the last two years. People and my relationships with them will be different. Even the way people speak will be different to the things that I've learned to say. Ministry will be different. Going to my home church and working there will be so different. And so much more. I feel unprepared to face all this change and emotion alone, although I know I must. I am excited to grow closer to God and to be strengthened in Him through this difficult time, as it is Him leading me and guiding me. I am so thankful that HE is with me right now; I couldn't do this without Him. I'm so thankful HE has a greater plan in all of this. Cause my idea of what's going on is very skewed. Please help me trust You more through all of this, Jesus.

He has made everything beautiful in its time...

2010-07-31T17:43:00.000-07:00

Received perhaps the best phone call I've ever received tonight from one of my youth saying she's accepted Jesus into her life and become a Christian!! Just spent an hour with her and am amazed at how wonderful and amazing God is!!!!! Wept the whole walk home.

Praise Jesus. Wow.

Trusting God in the Uncertain Times

2010-07-22T06:37:00.000-07:00

In less than a month from today, I will be leaving England. For how long? Only God knows. I desire to come back, but only if that is in line with God's will for me. He has given me a passion for this land, for this country, for these people; a passion unlike anything else. Right now, I am being required to trust and wait and witness in the meantime. I must trust God with everything. My relationships, the youth ministry that He's entrusted to me these past two years, and my future here in England, if there is one,and if God allows me the privilege of coming back. To be honest, only God knows the beautiful road ahead; and knowing that, i'm prepared to walk it. It will probably be a painful, confusing, and windy road; however, I'm excited. I'm excited about Jesus, and His character. I praise God for the fact that HE never changes or shifts on me. So even though I'm moving continents; even though I'm leaving one culture for another, and even though I'm uncertain of what the future holds, I am confident of this: that HE who promised me is faithful. God's got me, wherever I go, wherever He calls me. HE will be with me. That is all that matters. If it is for the sake of Jesus and His glory, count me in.

The Challenge of a Lifetime

2010-07-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 1:16-17

"Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before My eyes; cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widows cause."

Father, would you wash me clean, please.
I can't remove this evil within me without Your hand.
Without Your Spirit plucking it out of me.
Please help me cease to do evil, that I may do good. Far more good.
Would you implant in me a passion for justice and eyes to see oppression, that I might bring Your righteousness and Your peace.
Help me plead for those who are fragile, and to weak to stand.
Help me speak for those who are unable.
Teach me to fight for what is right. For what is right in Your eyes.
Teach me to live like You.
For Your glory, help me do these things for the rest of my life.
Amen.

Crazy Times.

2010-07-11T10:48:00.001-07:00

Well, I can't believe the time to leave is approaching so quickly. Ah! I would love for time to stand still for a moment.

I officially finish work for the Church in less than 9 days. I have a total of 4 youth clubs left, and only 1 more Sunday morning with the youth. Wow. Sad times. So thankful for all the incredible things that GOD has done in these past two years.

I am so humbled. I am so amazed. I am so changed. And I'm so grateful. Ok and yes. Maybe a bit emotional. Thank you Jesus for everything. Stay with me.

Have we got stuck in the routine of it all?

2010-06-17T00:02:00.000-07:00

Check out this challenging video!

"Sunday's Coming" Movie Trailer from North Point Media on Vimeo.

Awesome article from Paul Baloche

2010-06-16T05:20:00.000-07:00

"STOP TRYING TO WRITE SONGS"
12 MAY 2010 By Paul Baloche

What?! What a discouraging admonition you may think. Aren’t we encouraged to “sing a new song to The Lord” over and over again throughout the Psalms? Yes, exactly. Sing! Worship with a new song! Sing your prayers- from the depths of your soul. Cry aloud your honest expression of gratitude, praise, or lament, but try not to “try” writing a song. Are you confused?

I have discovered over the years that when I am in a room, trying to write a worship song from my head, searching for clever hooks and rhymes, it usually turns out sounding like a song that was written by a computer. A creative act that has the potential to draw our hearts toward God like nothing else can get poisoned when we start thinking too much about the process. Let’s ponder the shepherd boy David, tending sheep in the middle of nowhere looking up at the stars at night and singing , “When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place …..who am I that you are mindful of me?” Observing doe and their offspring drinking from a desert oasis he muses, “As the deer pants for the water so my soul longs for You.” Imagine him singing that line again and again until sensing even more words that continue that strong affection he feels towards the Shepherd of his soul.

Because I’ve written so many bad, mechanical songs over the years I try to make worship and private ministry to The Lord a priority - thinking less about writing and more about worshipping. I’ll often encourage songwriters to “quit writing songs for the next six months” and simply sing their prayers to God. Like the proverbial monkey on our back, there is something in our brains that can get all tied up, nervous and self-conscious when we try, try, try and edit, edit, edit. There is a time and a place for that but if brought into the process too early it can stifle WONDER - an essential ingredient in cultivating child-like creativity and freedom.

A NEW SONG should sound more like a voice than an echo. I borrow that phrase from Spencer Cody, an American Indian who used to attend our church in East Texas. Often he would encourage and sometimes caution me with his verdict after I tested a new song in worship on a Sunday morning. He would simply say, “that sounds like a voice”, meaning the idea had roots and originality to it. Sometimes he would reluctantly share “sorry but that sounds more like an echo”, something contrived and assembled without authentic origins.

I believe that the best worship songs happen as a by- product of worship. We can tell our inner editor “hey get off my back, I’m not trying to write a song, I’m just singing my prayers.” I find myself enjoying the process so much more when all I’m doing is prayerfully singing out phrases, scriptures, or as the bible refers to “groanings too deep for words”. Sometimes just allowing our melodies to soar without words at the beginning of the process can stir up an honest emotion or perspective. There is a section in the song Glorious where the melody just cries out trying to express the inexpressible. “Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, You are Glorious!” That is repeated over and over again to give an outlet to this feeling-this raw sentiment that is reaching upward toward the Mysterium tremendum.

Once we feel like we have an inspired phrase or melody, it’s time to worship with it in a prayerful, musical way and see where it leads us. Sometimes it’s helpful to step back from our instrument and just sing melodies that are free from the constraint of a key or chords. As your song begins to grow and take shape, start experimenting with chords that will support the feeling of the idea. There is no formula but often the progression looks like this:

1. An inspired idea or phrase is birthed from a prayerful, worshipful posture. 2.Melody and lyrics start to take shape through repeated singing and worshipful, child-like “play”. 3. Chords and rythym are chosen to cohesively support the feeling of the message. 4. NOW bring in your editor and start filling in the missing parts by checking for biblical accuracy, lyrical freshness, and musical creativity.

Let’s strive for “all of the above”, but primarily yearn for a more intimate connection with our God that can be experienced very uniquely by singing a new prayer-by singing out our conversations to the One who sings over us with joy.

[Paul is the worship pastor at Community Fellowship in Lindale, Texas, and is married to Rita. His songs include ‘Open the eyes of my heart’, ‘(Hosanna) Praise Is Rising’, and ‘Our God Saves’. For more info, visit www.leadworship.com]

From Solitude to Solitary confinement?

2010-04-22T12:36:00.000-07:00

Solitude. Bending the knee, quieting the soul. Spending time alone with the Creator of the world. Sitting in His presence and basking in who He is. Soaking in every ounce of His love and marveling at just a glimpse of His glory. Desiring Him, loving Him; desiring and loving His presence. Listening to His voice, and silencing your own. Solitude. Prioritising, savouring, and loving time in the presence of our Lord.

Solitary confinement. Bound in unbreakable chains. Forsaken, and left all alone. Trapped in a cold, bitter, and unlockable cell desperately trying to find a way out. 4 walls trapping you in the painful silence and total isolation of your own soul. You're alone with the worst of company-yourself. Here there is no escaping, only facing. Facing your mind, your sins, and your chilling past. Hope is non-existant in this place. Light--foreign; only darkness dwells here. No hope for tomorrow, nor future in sight. Your thoughts and fears surrounding you; regrets and tears, your food for the night . Solitary confinement. Punishment. Or for some, even death.

How did this happen?

Where did we lose the whole meaning of this God-created gift? When did we make the selfish swap of enjoying solitude with God to using solitude as a prison sentence all over the world?

Isn't it interesting that in one form of this "solitude" we're enjoying total satisfaction and contentment in the presence of God, and in the other, total isolation, separation, and discontent without the presence of God? Both are solitude. However, their purposes entirely opposite! One, created by God, the other imposed by man. One for the building and nourishment of your soul, the other, for destruction.

Let us get back to the original intention and action of solitude. I'd encourage you, along with myself, to deeply enjoy Jesus, and to do so freely. To spend time with Him out of love, rather than obligation, religion, or duty. Let us break out of these cells of self-imposed mental, physical, and spiritual torture, and head for the freedom and joy that is found living in loving communion with our Father and being in His presence.

Feeling forgotten by men, I’ve forgotten my God

2010-03-23T05:15:00.001-07:00

Lately in my selfish desire of wanting and feeling as though I “need” the approval, notice, and affirmation of man, sadly, I’ve forgotten my God in it all. I was deeply convicted of this a few days ago. I was sat at my computer desk-feeling weak, tired, and worn down. I was the definition of exhaustion. From a consistent pattern in my life, when I hit this point, questions quickly make their dwelling within my mind. “Why am I living so far from home?” “What made me think I was ready for this?” “Is what I’m doing here even making a difference?” Or I had thoughts such as, “Does anyone care about Rachel the person? Everyone seems to like me for what I do, and not who I am. I’m loved as the Christian youth worker who has it all together, but forgotten as the 20-year old girl, far from home, and living/working alone.” I began to ask question after question. Some others being, “Why has everyone forgotten about me?” “Why don’t people write letters or make the time to call? “Why do I have to initiate things in most relationships?” Although I realise all of these were coming out of a lonely, yet selfish heart, I heard the voice of God behind all of my questions. He didn’t need to say much; one sentence would do. What God’s Spirit said pierced straight to my heart. This is what I heard:

“Rachel, the way you are feeling is the exact way your actions and words are making Me feel.”

As much as this hurt, it was absolutely 100% true. Well of course it was—it came from the heart and Spirit of God. I couldn’t believe it. Here I was sat feeling all of these things, yet I myself was doing everyone of them to God. In my desire to please people and win their love and affirmation, I forgot completely about pleasing God. As I asked Him, “Why have people forgotten about me?” He was saying, “Why have you forgotten me?”

Instantly, I was on my knees asking for His mercy and forgiveness upon me. And God in His graciousness, dealt with me so gently and lovingly.

Later that night I was overwhelmed with thankfulness. I was so thankful that I had been given a small taste of just what God feels when HE is forgotten by His people. I was thankful that God implanted just a fraction of the pain He feels in His heart, into mine so that I might understand better, live differently, and speak more boldly out of a heart after His own.

I wonder. As was I, are you perhaps feeling forgotten about and neglected by everyone else? If so, I want you to ask yourself the tough question. Is this what you’ve been doing to your Creator? Have you been neglecting Him? It’s easy to point the finger, but I’m aware that hypocrisy is a subtle sin that can so easily consume one’s soul, as I’ve personally expressed. It’s not too late for us all to remember Him. To repent and ask for His forgiveness, and to move on from this place of selfish desires towards a heart that remembers Jesus. To move on towards a life that is lived passionately for Him out of that very memory of Him and His sacrifice on the cross. Let us live in memory of our Lord.

When people pass away, often times those “left behind” try to find ways to cope with the loss and grief. One of those ways being, “living in memory” of those who died. Have you ever heard someone say, “Well this is what he would have wanted me to do.” Or, “This is how she treated people, so I will do the same because that would make her smile.” Have you heard these things said before? It’s very common. However, we ought to live “In memory of Jesus”. Although Jesus died, He is indeed alive, and at the right hand of God! Despite the fact that He is alive, He is in heaven and we are on Earth. He is with us, but we do not see Him. Therefore, let us live how Jesus wants us to live. Let us walk the way He walked, in constant memory and remembrance of Him! One day we will get to be with him, so let us life a life worthy of Him and the calling we have received.

Blessings.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, of of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." -Galatians 1:10

Can't wait for her new album to be released!

2010-02-03T19:52:00.001-08:00

Behind The Scenes - filming Vicky's EPK! from Vicky Beeching on Vimeo.

Making Him Great

2010-01-30T05:15:00.001-08:00

I AM

2010-01-29T20:07:00.000-08:00

Ah.

2010-01-29T17:45:00.001-08:00

Man, I can't wait to be with Jesus some day. This world has nothing for me.

"For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21

What is that random pile of rocks on the side of the road?

2010-01-24T11:39:00.000-08:00

Stonehenge :)

2010-01-24T11:37:00.000-08:00

God's 99 day gift to the world...amazing

2010-01-16T18:25:00.000-08:00

Powerful video from John Piper

2010-01-15T11:53:00.001-08:00

This quote has the potential to change my life...

2010-01-15T10:44:00.001-08:00

"My ambition is to love God more than anyone of my generation." -A.W. Tozer

Abortion: We need to face it.

2010-01-14T07:46:00.000-08:00

So thankful for the truth that God has spoken through Mark...

Driscoll on Predestination

2010-01-14T07:03:00.001-08:00

Egg and Soldiers: It's an English thing

2010-01-14T05:00:00.000-08:00

In honour of my good friend James Hanson :)

Worship and Justice-the heart of Vicky Beeching

2010-01-13T19:06:00.000-08:00

Vicky Beeching talk about Hope For Justice from Vicky Beeching on Vimeo.

Another from Beeching...

2010-01-13T18:53:00.000-08:00

May this be my prayer for the rest of my life...

Breath of God by Vicky Beeching

2010-01-13T18:50:00.001-08:00

Vicky Beeching is a worship leader originally from the UK. She currently lives in the US. She is a real inspiration to me and a solid Christ-like example that I desire to imitate. This song has touched me time and time again! She loves Jesus so much and is truly an amazing woman of God.

2010: A year of testing?

2010-01-13T16:08:00.001-08:00

Well we are officially 13 days into this New Year and what a 13 days it has already been. I’m not sure what God is trying to tell me, or teach me. Maybe He’s trying to warn me, or prepare me for something more that is about to come my way? Or possibly, He is just reminding me to stay focused and firmly rooted in Him. I do not know.

I make this presumption because of the fact that this year has already gotten off to a difficult start. This month has felt like one big test. My relationships are being tested; my will is being tested; my desires, my abilities, my sinful tendencies….everything. It's one big test.

On a general basis, I like to think of myself as an optimistic person. I typically see the glass half-full. However, the fact that this year has started with such testing right off the bat does fill me with the fear that it’s only going to get worse. I don’t like this fear, but I am just being honest. It is there. I quickly panic and think to myself, am I ready to forgo another season of intense testing? Can I withstand the blow? 1 blow, 2 blows, even 3? Jesus, are you sure I can handle this?

As I ask myself these questions, I feel a bit selfish to be honest. Cause at this very moment hundreds of thousands of people are suffering due to the recent earthquake in Haiti. Thousands have died, thousands are missing. Were THEY ready for this hugely devastating blow? No. Where is God? He is nearer than we think and we must cry out to Him in this time!

Closer to hom...at this very moment there are close friends of mine who are experiencing such difficulty, such grief, such loss, such dread. Were they ready for these blows? Truth be told, who really ever is?

God is nearer than we think and we must cry out to Him. He WILL hear our cries.

While I do not know what the future, not even what tomorrow holds, all I know is this: the answer is Jesus. Trusting Him, looking to Him, relying on Him, communicating with Him, staying close to Him, going deeper with Him--it's Jesus. No matter what happens, my response and our response, answer, and solution must be Jesus. Only Jesus. Therefore, I will keep my eyes fixed on Christ, trusting Him, and relying on His strength with all that I am. Whether I am about to face a dark valley or a land of abundance I do not know; however, I know Jesus and He is with me. Therefore, I will not lose heart, nor hope. I will stand firm, holding fast to my Saviour’s hand with each step. With Him I have no need to fear. What can man do to me?

I’m not sure what lies ahead in 2010 Jesus, but I just want you to know…I trust You, I love You, and will undergo whatever it is in order that You might be ultimately glorified and seen as the amazing God that You are-Holy, loving, forgiving, good, compassionate, gentle, kind, just, patient, and merciful.

The Dying Snowman

2010-01-13T14:30:00.000-08:00

haha this made me laugh...it seemed fitting with the recent weather here in the UK :)

Psalm 103:2

2010-01-13T05:21:00.001-08:00

“Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits—”

If you know me even a little bit, chances are you know I have a case of bad memory or what seems to be short term memory loss. Although I really do struggle to remember things mentally, I think the issue churning in my soul, the issue I’m struggling with, is much deeper. I think I have a case of what seems to be short-term Spiritual memory loss.

So often I forget.

I forget God-His provision and blessings. I forget Jesus, and what He did for me on the cross. Time and time again I forget, or miss, the significance of His life on earth, his sacrifice on the cross, and His resurrection that changed everything.

At This very moment, whilst I sit typing, a song called “Glorious Day” by Casting Crowns is playing in the background. I actually had to stop typing just a bit ago because I was completely taken back by the powerful and truthful lyrics of this chorus:

“Living He loved me,

Dying He saved me,

Buried He carried my sins far away;

Rising He justified freely forever,

One day He’s coming,

O glorious day,”

Here I am talking about forgetting, and through a contemporary Christian song, God is whispering precious lines of encouraging remembrance.

“Remember, just Remember. Don’t worry about forgetting just soak it all in now. Just enjoy what Jesus did for you, again…and be thankful”

Wow. Isn’t it amazing how God speaks to us and reminds us He’s near? He is so much closer than I think, or feel. He is right here. And although I forget, He is the God who created memory. He gets it. His understanding is beyond my comprehension. Rather than being consumed with forgetting and feeling guilty, I believe God just wants me to remember what I can, when I can, as much as I can. I believe this desire to remember Him, and to live remembering Him, pleases Him.

I also forget the Holy Spirit-the 3rd member of the Trinity who dwells within my soul. Sometimes I remember God as my Father, and I’ll remember Jesus, but then feel as though I’m alone and have been forgotten about, regardless of what I know to be true. God is in heaven, and I am on earth. Jesus was here, but He has ascended. Who and what am I forgetting?! The Holy Spirit! I completely miss the fact that God Himself has chosen to bless me with His very Spirit. I forget that the Spirit dwells within me. I forget that God gave me His Spirit so that I might not be alone. He has given me His Spirit in order to help me, direct me, teach me, protect me, and to enable me to live in the power of Christ. Wow. This is such wonderful news! I don’t have to do it. I don’t have to even remember! Why? Because God Himself, through His Spirit, will HELP me remember!

God is incredible. Absolutely incredible.

Thank you God for your patience with me. You have been far too gracious to me. Thank you for Your Son and for Your Spirit. Thank you for all of your blessings and benefits. My life is yours, my memory is yours, all that I have, is Yours.

This sign has me written all over it...

2010-01-10T17:19:00.001-08:00

I have never wanted to own a boat until now...

2010-01-10T17:07:00.001-08:00

Missing home...

2010-01-10T15:17:00.000-08:00

Today is one of those missing home days.
I know I'm entitled to have these days...living so far away...
And you know, as weird as it might sound, I'm actually thankful for days like this. Why?
Because no matter how difficult or emotional it might be, I get to think about my family and my friends as much as I want!
I get to recal memories of them, look at pictures of them, skype with them...etc.
Being able to do each of these things truly warms my heart.
Of course it makes me miss them more...
but at the same time it puts things into perspective for me.
I will see them again, I will.
No, it's not easy living this far away.
Right now it feels like I may never see them again...
However, I must trust God with my heart, my time, my calling, my family, my friends, and where He has me. As well as, where He has them.
God is in control.
Oh how I long for the day when I get to see them all again.
I know it will come.
Thank you Jesus, in advance.

A couple of photos

2010-01-09T07:39:00.000-08:00

Jamie and I over Christmas break! We had such a lovely Christmas/New year’s together! He’s the best. So thankful for the way God has blessed me with such an amazing man like him!

Inadequate? I think yes…

2010-01-09T07:31:00.001-08:00

Inadequacy.

Lately I have felt this a lot.

Why would God choose ME?

Doesn’t He know just who I am?

Doesn’t he realise just how much I struggle with?

Did He not see all of my different thoughts this week?

Did he not hear my selfish frustrations and complaints?

Yes, absolutely He does, and He did.

But then Why does HE want me?

Why does He want to STILL use me?

I am so small in insignificance, yet so sinful.

So often I feel like I’m the wrong person for the job. I can think of so many other people whom are much more experienced and better capable of doing what God’s given me to do. However, He hasn’t chosen them for it. He’s chosen me. Why? Because of His grace. God’s amazing grace towards me doesn’t see a Rachel defined by failures and sins; He sees a Rachel completely defined and covered by the blood of His son-Jesus Christ.

Wow.

This truly amazes me. I am so humbled by His love.

Daily Reading From Spurgeon

2009-12-17T04:10:00.000-08:00

"To be forever with the Lord is my idea of heave at its best. not the harps of gold, nor the crowns unfading, nor the light unclouded, is glory to me; but Jesus, Jesus himself, and myself forever with him in nearest and dearest fellowship." -C.H. Spurgeon

Humbling evening

2009-12-15T14:14:00.000-08:00

Just got home from an amazing evening with my youth! It was one of those evenings that truly reminds me why I'm doing what I'm doing. Wow, God is so awesome! I can't believe I get to live in England, doing what I love, all for His glory. I feel blessed. Truly blessed.

Quiet time in Isaiah 12

2009-12-09T02:43:00.000-08:00

Isaiah 12:2-5

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. And you will say in that day: Give thanks to the LORD, call upon His name, make known His deeds among the peoples, proclaim that His name is exalted. Sing praises to the LORD, for He has done gloriously; let this be made known in all the earth."

This is an amazing passage; however, the one thing that really stood out to me was verse 3.

"With JOY you will draw water from the wells of salvation."

Wow. What an amazing truth this is, if we choose to draw upon it. 2 things amaze me: 1) The fact that we as wretched, sinful, and evil humans who deserve eternal, merciless condemnation CAN draw water from the wells of salvation of God Almighty Himself! And 2) that we can approach God, and this well of Salvation with complete joy! The fact that there IS joy insinuates that there is NOT shame, guilt, fear, or frustration. All of that is left with Jesus once salvation is drawn from this well-from His well.

Now, I'm a visual person, so when I visualise this I'm seeing a weary and exhausted man/woman carrying buckets. Now, these buckets are heavy and filled to the brim. With what you may ask? With guilt, envy, evil desires, shame, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, fear, and more. Each drop from the bucket is a drop of sin, it is black in colour. However, as this person is journeying to the well to draw water, they see someone in the distance. It's a man who, even from far off, appears to be gracious, compassionate, and gentle by the look of Him. As the person walks closer to the well, they realise it's none other than Jesus waiting by the well. Who is He waiting for? He is waiting for them. Eventually, they arrive at the well, but unfortunately there is one problem. They need to fill their buckets with water so that they may go back and have something to drink/live on for the next however many days. The problem is, their buckets are overflowing with all kinds of sin. Therefore, before they can draw any pure water, the buckets must be completely emptied of all the rubbish that is in them. I then picture Jesus gesturing for the man/woman to hand over the buckets to Him. As he quietly takes them, He slowly begins to tip them upside down, letting all of the drops fall to the ground-drop by drop they fall, drop by drop they dissolve into the ground. The liquid inside the buckets had previously been black, but as Jesus poured it out, each drop strangely turned to red. What is this red? It was His blood being poured out. When He had finished emptying the buckets, He then began to draw water from the well. But he didn't fill the bucket; no, He only drew enough to swish around the inside so that He might cleanse the inside of the buckets by washing out the bits of filth that remained. There was still a faint reddish-black tint to the bucket, however, it had now been made clean. The faint colour would be a reminder in the future to the person of what took place this day. The buckets were now ready to hold the everlasting water. So, Jesus handed back the clean, empty buckets back to the man/woman and then invited them to draw as much water as needed from the well. They didn't have to draw any water, it was not, nor is ever, a matter of force. He only wanted/and wants them to be taken care of. He desires that all of His people's thirst be quenched. So, with great JOY at what Jesus has just done for them, the person began to fill the bucket with this pure, refreshing, everlasting water from the well of salvation. Each clear drop that went into the bucket was a reminder of each red drop that Jesus poured out. Each drop was the gracious salvation of Jesus towards that person.

What would you do if you were at this well, carrying these buckets, and in the presence of the Living Water Himself?

Vicky Beeching: A real inspiration to me

2009-12-08T08:37:00.000-08:00

Although hearing her name before, I never really knew much about songwriter/recording artist/and worship leader Vicky Beeching. However, I was able to see her for the first time @ the Youthwork Conference this past November. All I can say is-Wow! Her love for Jesus and desire to worship Him through her songwriting, music, and life really inspired me! Please check out the link below to listen to her song, "Breath of God". Vicky is originally from London, England and went to Oxford University to obtain a degree in Theology. Her knowledge and love of God's Word has transformed her songs as she incorporates her theology into her song writing. She is a wonderful worship leader, person, and passionate follower of Christ who is such an inspiration to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0evqzm_iGE

Challenging prayer

2009-12-08T06:13:00.000-08:00

"Come, my soul, pluck up courage, and put down thy feet in the blood-marked footprints which thy Lord has left Thee."
-C.H. Spurgeon

May it be so in my life, Jesus. May it be so. Amen.

My boyfriend's band

2009-12-03T14:43:00.000-08:00

(From left to right)
Jamie-Bass player/vocals/my boyfriend :)
Nick-Electric guitar/vocals
Joe-Guitar/lead singer
Chris-Drums
Dan-Piano

Thoughts on the body of Christ

2009-11-12T08:47:00.001-08:00

Colossians 3:11-17
"Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but CHRIST is all, and is in all. THEREFORE, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the body of Christ. Not the church as a building, but rather, an authentic community of ordinary individuals with a common purpose: serving, loving, and magnifying an extraordinary and indescribable God. Forget the buildings, I’m talking about a group of real people, living in the real world, loving, believing, and trusting in a real God with the practical potential to influence the world completely for the glory of GOD!

If you want my honest opinion, I believe it is time we strip away the denominations, and start acting like a family of believers. Rather than having betting vision statements, a more dynamic modern ‘worship band’, or chairs with the nicer pattern etc…let us (me included!) get back to the heart of this idea in the first place: Christ Jesus Himself.

I recognize this may sound off putting to some. Why? Well, possibly because today’s definition/idea of family has become so terribly distorted and skewed. In today’s world, not everyone likes the idea of family, because unlike some people’s, our personal families have failed, hurt, or wounded us—possibly leaving us as though dead to fend for ourselves in a harsh world.

However, when I say family, please understand I am not talking about this kind. I am not talking about the world’s distorted view of what a ‘family’ might be or look like. If you think I’m being unreasonable or close-minded, please hear where I am coming from. I am coming from one of these so called ‘broken families’ I just described. No, I am not exempt to the world’s sad portrayal family; I am neither above nor below, just as you are not exempt to the failures of your own family, or humans in general for the matter. However, I urge you please, for the duration of this writing, to join me in laying aside all that we know to be personally true of ‘family’.

To clear up any confusion I’ve created thus far, I am talking about the beginning of the world. You see, the world as we live in it, is not as it should be or was meant to be. Sometimes I forget that there was a beginning, or that life was ever different than what I know it to be. However, I am mistaken and forgetful. When God created humans in the very beginning things did, indeed, look very different. God intended for His people to live in harmony with Him; yes—perfect love, perfect communion, and perfect unity with the Living God Himself as Father and Creator. Therefore, everything about ‘family’ was perfect. Hard to imagine? I know! Regardless, it is important to note that divorce (nor any other degree of separation for that matter) had yet to enter the picture. Again, I know it is hard to imagine; I find it almost impossible to fathom myself. However, divorce entered the world as a total result of sin; it is a consequence of the ultimate separation to ever take place in all of history-the separation between God and His creation.

Backing up a few steps…

Adam and Eve were the first man and woman to be created. God loved Adam and Eve so much that He was gracious enough to give them a choice. Yes, God in HIS great love gave His people a choice rather than a robotic heart made to worship Him out of duty and obligation. Now, two choices could be made: the first to love God, obey Him, and live with Him forever in perfect harmony or the latter, disobey God and experience eternal separation from Him. Unfortunately, Adam and Eve in their free will chose the latter which now affects our human condition today. We all have it, not one is exempt. It’s called sin. I am a sinner. I disobey God, naturally.

I could go on and on about this but I want to bring it back to the idea of being a family of believers in today’s world. What was written above can be discussed further, if you like, however, I was just giving a small insight into where the distortion of family and separation and sin came from.

So what does GOD’S family (the body of Christ) look like in today’s world? What are we supposed to look like? Any ideas?

Personally, I think it’s quite simple (although I’m guilty for complicating it so often) In light of God’s Word and Jesus’ example: I believe we’re supposed to look and live like Jesus.

See, it is nothing profound, rather, something so important that is often over-looked or complicated. You see, I believe this is easier than we think or have made it out to be. When we see someone in need, we help however we can in a practical way. When we come across someone who’s hungry, we share food with them. When we’re shopping in the supermarket, we’re not thinking about just the items we need, but rather, we’re watching people and looking for ways to bless, help, and encourage them…ultimately the love and grace of Christ with them either in words or action! There are countless ways that we as a family of believers can show the world Jesus’ love—these are just some.

With that said, I would encourage you to join me in this quest to share Jesus with people. Don’t let the idea of ‘evangelism’ scare you—it’s just a way of life! Our lives our meant to be about Jesus and sharing Him with people, but sadly, so often terms and labels distract us/scare us from doing so. It’s not complicated, so let us no longer make it out to be (Again, I’m not exempt). Loving people and living like Jesus did does not come naturally to me; However, GOD has given us HIS VERY SPIRIT to help us! Isn’t that a sigh of relief? Wow! HIS Spirit will lead us, direct us, guide us, and speak through us—all we have to do is willingly open up our eyes, ears, mouths, minds, and hearts to what God’s Spirit is saying or leading us to do. It is JESUS who saves people, not us. We are just instruments, so let us—let me—start living as the family of God was meant to live from the very beginning—in harmony, love, and perfect communion with the Living God and each other.

So much easier said than done, but I am serious. Please join me. Let’s start living, looking, listening, and loving the world (people) just as Jesus did using our time, energy, finances, possessions, jobs, relationships…etc ALL for the glory and magnification of Jesus! Amen.

God is bigger than my tiredness

2009-10-20T06:46:00.001-07:00

"God is bigger than my tiredness"

This is a phrase I have been quoting to myself over and over again these last few days. To be completely honest-I am tired. Very tired. I haven't been sleeping properly and am feeling as though I live in a constant state of tiredness. Unfortunately, whether I get a good night's sleep or none at all-the world carries on. Life carries on. Work carries on. Youth clubs must still be run and responsibilities must still be fulfilled. Therefore, it's a vicious cycle of exhaustion that just keeps going on and on. Monday has to deal with Sunday, Tuesday then has to deal with all of the tiredness that Sunday and Monday left, and so goes the rest of the week. However in all of this, I must quote it to myself again: God is bigger than my tiredness! If I'm not careful, I will become consumed in this frustrating cycle. I must at all cost remember that God is the creator and giver of rest. He is my Creator. It is Him that restores me, fills me, and provides my body, mind, and soul with the rest it needs. Therefore, He is bigger than whatever amount of 'tired' I could possibly have. And even when I am tired, He is still great. He is still worthy and all deserving of my praise and adoration. Who am I to think I'm too tired to praise Him or magnify Him? Sure ministry is busy. It's demanding and draining. It's challenging and it's rewarding. But God is bigger Rachel, He is bigger. Everything is about Jesus and for Jesus. Sadly, sometimes I forget that rest, or a lack of it, has anything to do with Jesus. I forget that He made me and knows me. I lose sight of the fact that God Himself rested and that a sabbath is necessary. I forget that I can't do anything without God's strength carrying me. Oh Lord, I'm sorry for forgetting these things. I need to trust You. With my sleep, and with my body. With my restless mind and all-over-the-place soul. With my day and with my life. With my job, with my day off. I need to trust You more. Oh Lord, please help me. I need You so much. Whether I'm awake or asleep, Jesus, I need you.Thank you for creating rest, but also for caring about it. Thank you for caring about me and for providing for all my needs. You are so great, and ever so faithful. I am in awe of your kindness and overwhelmed by your mercy upon me. Oh Lord, help me remember Jesus in everything. In my dreams, in my thoughts; in my standing up, in my lying down. Please be near to me in my tiredness and in my awake-ness. It is You-and only You-who gives me energy, strength, and Joy for the day. Oh how I love You, Jesus! You are the conqueror of all. You are bigger than the grave, just as you are bigger than insomnia. Thank you for allowing a sinner like me, to rest in a Saviour like You!

Sermon 2 from LUKE'S GOSPEL: Investigating the Man who was God

2009-09-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/luke/john-the-baptizers-birth-prophesied

Such a good sermon! Really enjoyed this weeks, and am looking forward to the next one!

"LUKE'S GOSPEL: Investigating the Man who was God" Sermon 1

2009-09-29T17:04:00.000-07:00

Mark Driscoll/Mars Hill Church have just recently started a new series in which they are going to be taking us through the Gospel of Luke. This intense journey through the book of Luke will take about 3 years total, as Mark and the team reveal real live footage from Israel and all the different places from where Luke was writing from or about! Here is the first week's sermon in this 3 year study...It's going to be incredible! This sermon really got me. Please give it a listen!

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/luke/eyewitness-to-jesus

How am...I?

2009-09-26T16:18:00.000-07:00

To be honest, i'm in a funny stage right now. God is blowing my mind and teaching me so much. He is also really blessing my ministry and different youth clubs....which is incredible!! BUT...Satan hates it. God is winning, and Satan isn't happy. To be honest, I feel like Satan is personally attacking me. Which, i'd rather him attack me then the youth, or the church, or minstry. But it's hard. I'm physically worn, and so weak in every part of my body. I get home from leading a club that God completely blessed, and can hardly move. It's the weirdest thing. I've never felt so spiritually attacked, and physically through that. It's like Satan hates me and is out to get me, and i can feel it. I'm not scared cause God is with me, just very weak. I'm trying to remain joyful, but finding it hard. God is my strength, but Oh how I so desperately need Him right now, in every way. He is so much bigger than Satan. That is my hope. Jesus is my hope and the victory has already been won!

John 3:30-Oh, may it be so

2009-09-24T02:50:00.000-07:00

Lord, let this ring true in my life...
May I only be a magnification of Your and Your glory alone!

"The Motions"

2009-09-23T18:47:00.000-07:00

On May 27, 2007 Christian recording artist Matthew West underwent a career threatening vocal surgery. In the time that followed, he faced a season of silence and uncertainty. We all face trials...but Matthew's story is proof that God is at work even in our weakest moments. And this is where change begins. Check out the music video @:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dva6-Yu3zkI&feature=related

"The Motions" By Matthew West

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

A journey with me through my Saturday of solitude

2009-09-22T05:42:00.000-07:00

As you know (from my last blog post), this past Saturday I took a vow of Silence to the Lord. Basically, I felt convicted about how much I ask for and say to the Lord, yet how little I actually listen to Him and wait to hear His voice. So from Saturday early am to Sunday am, I dedicated my day to the Lord in silence. I refused to speak, even to myself. I know a lot of you wanted to know how the day went, and what I learned, so as promised here are the notes, thoughts, emotions...etc...that I journaled throughout the day! I really hope that God speaks to you in some way through this! God bless!

Before my day of silence even began, I was praying to God asking Him to truly speak to me the following day. And you know what? He began speaking to me sooner than I asked Him too which completely blew my mind!

Friday night in my sleep this is what came to me:

A MUTE WOMAN: In a half asleep/yet half awake dream I saw a mute woman, and she was worshipping Jesus. She couldn't speak, but oh how she worshiped her Saviour! She knew God so intimately, just was unable to speak. She worshiped Him with her whole heart, and through her silence. She worshiped Him in her thoughts. There was no need for her voice, He knew how much she loved Him. She loved Him more than most, and she just loved hearing his voice.

TIME: (God woke me up for this one. It wasn't a dream, I was wide awake, He just began speaking)
God is the creator of time, yet He Himself is not confined to it. He doesn't work on our timetables or weekly schedules. He revealed to me that sometimes I need to, in a sense, step out of my own confinement to time, and step into His element, into His world outside of time. Therefore, because He was asking me to I switched off all my clocks.

THOUGHT:: "I have no idea what time it is right now, but God is speaking so it's awesome!" (Then I went back to sleep)

WHEN I WOKE UP:
"The silence has officially begun. It's very strange. The hardest part is knowing I can't speak, therefore I want to. I've been tempted to even just talk to myself to break this silence, but have chosen to refrain. I'm excited about what God has already been saying to me-even in my sleep! I am looking forward to the hours to come. To be honest, I have no concept of time right now. It must be mid morning because the sun is out, but that's all I can gather from looking out the window. I feel rested and refreshed. I think this pleases God-when we rest."

THOUGHT: "Silence is an act of worship to God."

"I felt God telling me last night (when I was half asleep!), that He will sustain me and fulfill my every need. I believe Him so have decided to give up food for the day to and let Him satisfy my hunger. I will only drink hot/cold drinks until tomorrow morning."

God then led me to His Word-I spent a very long time in the Psalms and He really spoke to me through them.

Here are the some of the ones I jotted down:
Psalm 23:2-3, 25:4-5, 25:14...

Psalm 26:14 brought a thought:
"Even when I can't hear God doesn't mean I should carry on with what I'm doing or see fit to do. No! If I don't hear Him, I must wait until I do. I must sit, be still, and wait. He is there, He is here now. He will reveal His plan in His perfect timing.

THOUGHTS ON GOD'S VOICE: Psalm 29:3-9
God's powerful voice, this very same voice in this Psalm, is the same voice that God uses to speak to ME today! This is the beautiful voice I am listening for, excited for, and waiting for!

God then brought an old teacher to mind and led me to pray for her

Psalm 30:12 then brought a thought:
"Our hearts shouldn't be silent because of the awesomeness and glory of God, however our voices CAN BE silent, out of reverence and love for the Lord! We can still worship Him with our heart, mind, and actions. It's not all about speaking. Much of it actually ISN'T about speaking at all..."

God then brought to mind something I could use/do with the youth, so that was cool!

REVELATION/REMINDER FROM GOD:
HE IS IN EVERYTHING! I just miss Him all the time. He's there, I just don't see Him.

I began to look around me and to look at the ordinary things I see everyday, yet miss the significance of God behind them.
God begin to speak to me in awesome ways through very simple objects lying around my flat:

Here's a couple:

A PAINTING OF A SHIP AT SEA:
I am on a voyage with God. My faith with Him is voyage. He knows where He is steering the ship of my life, but He is steering it. I know how long it is going to take to get where we're going, but He knows! I don't know what storms/trials lie ahead, but He knows and He will be with me, guiding me through them! He's in control! He's the captain. He won't let me sink or capsize while He's in control. Although I can't see clear the way ahead, He has promised to take me there, and guide me safely to the other side. He's also told me the point of destination-heaven! We know what our aim is, and He's steering us there! He only tells me what I need to know when I need to know it, but He will reveal everything in the end! I'm in His hands completely, wow.

A PHOTO OF MY SISTER AND I:
God created us! He created my sister and I in His very likeness. He is the originator of family and He is the founder of siblings. He has given us unique talents, different to eachother, but He will use them all for His glory! He has blessed with each other that we might bless each other and others. He has revealed Jesus to us both, so we not only have a bond as sisters, but through Christ! We are not mistakes. God has made us in His image! He has given us so much to be thankful for!

A HIGHLIGHTER (yes, a highlighter):
This reminded me that God highlights specific events, circumstances, and times in our lives so that once we have gone through them we can then look back through the different pages, chapters, and seasons of our lies and see God's glory in those highlighted areas. It's like God reminds us of His love, provision, kindness, mercy, and grace through all that He highlights in our lives. My life is for His glorification-your life is for His glorification, even if you don't yet believe in Him! The highlighter is a testimony of what we have been through for His sake and His goodness/faithfulness towards us!

These are just a few of the objects, but He also spoke to me through: A camera, the radiator, an empty glass, the Bible (as an object), a plant, my guitar, a pen, lamps, and the dishes. If you want to hear what He spoke to me through these things, I'd be glad to share with you!

THOUGHT:
"Silence is awkward and frustrating. It's being vulnerable to God, because no defense can be made against the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Silence can be painful and uncomfortable. It is tormenting and exhausting but as we embrace it and endure it, God will break the silence. He is so patient with us!"

ANOTHER THOUGHT:
"I need to give away some of my clothes that I no longer need"

God then brought a very dear friend to mind, who is really going through a difficult time, so was able to pray for her

THOUGHT:
"Fasting Silence. Why something so extreme? Why NOT something extreme? God deserves my best; He deserves my extreme!"

A thought on God's rest after reading Hebrews 4:
"it is a sin to not rest. God has commanded that I do it, so not doing it, is complete disobedience. I feel like God is telling me to slow down and simply, to rest. He has given me physical permission to rest and recuperate. In order to do His work, I must. I will simply burn out at this rate if I don't. Thank You God for caring about me so much that you would encourage my rest.

EMOTIONS:
"Right now I feel content. God has taken away my hunger. I feel blessed and am just enjoying spending this time with Jesus, in His presence. He is so great! I can't wait to be with Him-face to face! What a day that will be!"

God then spoke to me about my future-He reassured me of a lot of things!

Read: Psalm 34:11-14, 37:7, 30-31, 34, 38:14-15, 46:10, 49:3, 50:3, 62:11-12, 65:5, 73:24, 85:8

GOD SPEAKING TO ME ABOUT MY YOUTH MINISTRY:
"I just need to continue being faithful, trusting Him, and following Him closely. I need to be obedient in the small things and big things alike. I might not see the fruit of my labor, but God is faithful, therefore I must carry on and be faithful unto Him, even when I'm tired and feeling weary." (2 Timothy 1 and 2)

MORE THOUGHTS/EMOTIONS:
"Well it's evening now, but I still do not know the time! I'm getting tired. It's been a very long, but great day so far. I'm learning a lot! God has been very gracious to me. I'm beginning to feel a bit weaker as well, probably from not eating. However, God is still with me and He is really comfourting me. I'm starting to want to talk again, just even if it's a few words to someone, it's frustrating. I'm missing people now. I'll probably go to a sleep in a couple hours. I'm still looking forward to what God will say next. He's blown my mind today. Maybe that's part of what I'm feeling-overwhelmed. It's not a bad thing, just been a lot to take in today! God is so good. Wow.

2 Corinthians 12:9

ANOTHER OBJECT: A glass half full of coke
"Lord, am I half-hearted in my love for You? Do I say one thing, but live another? I don't want to be half-hearted or on the fence, Lord. Please fill me full of Your passion and with more boldness to share You!"

Here, God gave me another youth idea! yay!

SORTING MY WASHING:
"God reminded me that He makes all things new! Doesn't matter what we've been through or what stains we've come out with-there is no one too far gone or too stained that Christ is unable or unwilling to cleanse and make new!"

THOUGHTS ON 'TIME':
"Well unfortunately, I gave in and just looked at the time. It's 7:30pm. I'm glad I've made it this long, but am ashamed I gave into looking at the time. I still haven't said a word, wow. I can't believe this day."

WHAT I'VE MISSED THROUGHOUT THE DAY:
"talking to my boyfriend/friends, interacting with people in general, music-especially singing!, eating, going outside, having a routine. Today has been so good for me though; i needed it."

MORE THOUGHTS:
"A little bit ago I got cold, so decided to take a hot shower. God brought 2 things to mind! 1) He has truly blessed me! To be able to take a (free) hot shower whenever I feel like is such a huge blessing, that I take for granted almost every day. 2) As I was really missing people I'd normally be talking to/or seeing throughout my day, God spoke to me about it. The way I'm feeling right now in "missing people and not talking to anyone" is similar to how God must feel when we don't talk to Him. He misses us. He longs to speak with us! Yet somedays, I don't talk to Him at all. wow. How sad is this."

MORE EMOTIONS:
"I honestly don't know what I'm feeling right now. It's getting later. Feeling a bit weird, and quite sad actually. My heart is very heavy for some specific people, special friends."

ANOTHER REMINDER:
"God has blessed me with so many Godly examples of married couples who are still together and who still love the Lord and each other so much! Thank you Lord for all of these wonderful examples you've given me as a reminder that it is possible to be married, to stay in love, and to most importantly, continue seeking you! It can be done! Amen!"

THE DAY'S END/TIME FOR BED:
"Well, I have completed my day of silence, and managed to not speak a word to anyone, including myself! Thank you for giving me the strength Lord! My, what a wonderful and different day it has been! I don't think I'll ever forget it. Thank you Father for being so near to me today, and for speaking in such powerful ways into my mind, heart, and life. Thank You for letting me hear Your voice!! Please use what You've specifically spoken to me to change the way I live each day. Lord, I desire to always hear your voice-not just today. Please continue teaching me how to listen for You, and to You! Oh how I desperately need You, Jesus! You are amazing! Thank you so much for this special day You have blessed me with! I look forward to more days like this with You in the near future! Help me set aside time for You, days for you, weeks for you. Whatever it may be. I'm excited to continuing hearing Your voice! Thank you for always being with me, near to me, and for Your patience with me! There is none like You, O Lord! May this all be used for Your glory! Amen."

It's time I was silent

2009-09-18T06:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, I will be taking a vow of silence. It's time I stopped talking, and started listening to the voice of God more closely. From the moment I wake up until I'm ready to go to bed, I will do my best to not say, or murmer a single word to anyone-even myself. Rather, I will record my thoughts, emotions, and any revelations God might bring on paper and then share my findings with all of you. this vow of silence includes no texting, face booking, or emailing. I'm excited!

Step up to the Mic

2009-09-17T10:38:00.001-07:00

If you could say one thing to the entire world (through a very large/powerful megaphone), that could be translated into every language so it could be understood by all, what would you say?

Because sometimes we just need to ask ourselves the questions...

2009-09-17T10:03:00.000-07:00

Jesus? Do you Know Him? Have you ever heard of Him or about the things He's done? Do you understand why He died on the cross? Is He a part of your life? Have you received His love and his forgiveness for the things you do wrong?

Heaven? Do you believe in it? Do you think you're going there when you die? Where do you think it is, anyways?

The Bible? What does it mean to you? Is it anything of great value or significance? Do you live by it? Do you agree with it? Do you think it's inspired by God or man? Do you or have you ever read it?

The Trinity? Have you ever heard of this? do you believe in God the Father, God the Son, and the Holy Spirit? 1 out of 3? 2 out of 3? Or 3 for 3? Do you believe they are all equal? Where do you stand?

I would love to know your thoughts. It's time we start being real about what we believe, or what we don't believe, letting go of our shame or what others might think of us!

I'm honestly not looking to get into heated debates, just really care about you and what we all believe. Thought I'd just start the conversation. It could change your life. God could change your life, are you willing to let Him or give Him a try?! This isn't about condemning or converting, just want to chat if you're willing to talk about it and ask the tough questions. I need to ask myself them as well! Just wanted to give you a chance, if you've never really heard or known who to ask, now is your chance. Ask questions!

In need of grace? Always.

2009-09-04T07:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I was lying awake for many hours. Why? Partially because of jet lag and still being on an American body clock, but mostly because my heart and mind were wrestling against each other- over the sin that lies within me. My heart was feeling overwhemed, heavy, and disgusted at my sin, desiring for it to be destroyed and taken so far away from me. However, my mind was trying to convince my heart it was delusional, mistaken, and that the sin is worth it, fun, and all satisfying. Oh, how I hate the sinful flesh in me! A quote from DL Moody then got me thinking, and not only thinking, but thanks be to God, repenting.

Here is the quote:

"A man can no more take in a supply of grace for the future than he can eat enough for the next six months, or take sufficient air into his lungs at one time to sustain life for a week. We must draw upon God's boundless store of grace from day to day as we need it."

So there I was lying there in my ugly pride, selfishness, laziness, self righteousness thinking I somehow deserved GOD'S grace?! Or that because of "what I've done" I must have some grace tokens racked up-tokens that I can fall back on in anytime of "need". Wow. Absolutely horrible. Oh Lord, please forgive me! Who am I to deserve anything good?! Let alone, anything from the Holy and Perfect hand of GOD?! Oh Rachel. You've got it all wrong. I think I deserve grace because I've done good things? No! May it not be so! Stop it mind of mine. What twisted and rubbish thinking! I don't deserve grace. I don't deserve God's sacrifice of Christ. I never have deserved it, nor will I ever deserve it. But oh how sorry I am for how I have taken advantage of Christ's love, forgivness, and grace. Or how I have so humanly and pervertedly justified and confused Christ's death on the cross as a result of my worthiness or righteousness. This is the evil that lies within. This is what I don't want people to see. But how will I ever change, if it's not surfaced?!

Oh Jesus, please forgive me! I don't deserve You or Your grace, but oh how I so desperately long for you and need Your forgiveness, yet again this day. Please rid me of my selfish and evil desires. Please teach me to die to my sin. I want no say. I want to be dead to it, forever. Dead as in, I can't stand up and do it again kind of dead. I just want to walk in Your ways, pleasing You, obeying You, living for You, in all that I do, in all that I say. May you be glorified in me! Please teach me what it means to live in humility and in complete surrender to Your will. I'm so far from "getting it", but oh Lord, I am so sorry. You MUST increase, and I must decrease. Please search my heart. Sift out the sin from within. Heal my sinfulness as a result of YOUR glory and goodness! Oh Lord, how grateful I am for you. Thank you for Jesus. Thank you for His sacrifice. I'm sorry for my lack of understanding and my lack of gratitude for Your wonderful Salvation. Change my heart. Help me become more like Christ today. Thank you. Thank you. Oh Jesus. Sweet Jesus, how I love Thee!

Timeless promises: God>Moses>Joshua>me?

2009-07-26T18:46:00.000-07:00

Deuteronomy 31:8

"It is the LORD who goes before you.
HE will be with you;
HE will not leave you or forsake you.
Do not fear or be dismayed."

Realisations

2009-07-26T15:50:00.000-07:00

A lot of realisations today. Wow. To be honest they've been very difficult and painful to take in, but wonderful and eye opening as well. I've had to ask myself this big question a lot today. Whether I am in the midst of great tragedy today, or a time of great rejoicing tomorrow, who am I to forget my God? I am merely a sinner. So therefore, who am I to even THINK about what or whom I do or do not have?! The complete truth is that I am nothing a part from my Savoiur. Anything good in me is HIM and is a result of HIS wonderful redemption. Anything else in me is, well me. The evil, sinful, selfish, rude, prideful, disgusting Rachel. Yes, I am a sinner. However let me be the first to say, I am a sinner in desperate need for my God in every way! Yet, even after expressing it, knowing it, and wanting Him, I am still left wondering. How come I keep forgetting Jesus? Ah. I MUST not forget Him-may it never be so again!

Unfortunately, due to my utter humanness and natural love for sin, I know I will forget Him again as frustrating and as sad as it is. It is devastating really; I hate the thought of grieving God's Spirit. However, no matter how sorry i am, no matter how much I am thinking about Christ and loving Him at this moment, I know that tomorrow will sadly be no exception. At some moment (or many), in the next 24 hours I will forget my Lord.

In these times when I do...and in those times that I will...Lord, I ask for you to fill me with deep and genuine remorse. Please convict me and help me come to you in my sinfulness. Bring me to my knees and fill me with a desperate desire to be clean. Teach me how to confess my sins to you anew-more often and more openly. Oh Lord, how undeserving I truly am of You! I pray that in your graciousness, You would grant me mercy and forgiveness yet again. You have blessed me so incredibly much. How could I cease to worship You?

"You do not restrain Your mercy, so I will not restrain my praise, I'll lift my hands and raise my voice as I seek You in this place.
You do not restrain Your mercy, so I will not restrain my praise, my worship will reflect my joy as I seek alone Your face!"

TO: us FROM: JESUS

2009-07-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

These are a couple verses that I'm just going to throw out there as a challenge to you and even more so, to myself. Jesus asks a very important question of His disciples and all who were with Him while He was telling this parable. I feel it's a very important question that you, me, and the world need to be asking ourselves. Are you ready? Not sure if I am...but here it goes...

Found in LUKE 18: 1-9 The Parable of the Persistent Widow

Vs. 7-8: Jesus' is speaking here...

"And will not God give justice to His elect, who cry to Him day and night? Will He delay long over them? I tell you, He will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, WILL HE FIND FAITH ON THE EARTH?"

Salvation in the Middle of a Football Field

2009-07-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

About 2 months ago God blessed me with the tremendous privilege of leading 2 children to Christ in the middle of a football pitch! It was truly incredible!

I had just flown back from the States after making an emergency trip home to see my grandpa as he was very ill and near death. I also had flown back to see my Uncle who had just recently been diagnosed with brain cancer. I was so thankful to be back home and truly praise God for the way He made it all possible. What a huge blessing it was. I spent very special time with both my grandpa and uncle which I will always treasure. My grandpa died about a week after my arrival and my uncle is still alive and hanging on with every ounce of strength in his body, trusting and waiting on the Lord with each new day. To be honest, going home in such unexpected circumstances and timing I didn't know how I was going to handle it all. Turns out-I didn't handle it very well. I really began to ask myself if I'd be able to cope leaving my home AGAIN with so much personal issues going on all at once. I wondered if i would be able to go back to England, the place that I so dearly loved, diving back into the full time ministry there. I questioned God, I questioned myself. I questioned my calling. I questioned my role. I questioned my God-given abilities and felt too inadequate for the job. I cried, wrestled, dreaded, and even contemplated my alternative options. However, I knew full well there was no alternative decisions to be made. I knew without a doubt I was meant to be going back to the UK. God was clearly telling me to do so, however, I still asked the questions. Why? Well shamefully, because I cared more about Rachel at that moment than Christ. Rachel was on the throne and Jesus simply wasn't. I was gripped with dread, fear, anxiousness, and grief all at once for a few days in the States. It was so strange and so unlike me. I don't normally question God, but was beginning to scare myself. I was on overload, and to be honest, I wanted out. I didn't want to go back to the responsibilities. I didn't feel equipped or good enough. In my mind any other person could've done te better job than me back in Plymouth. What lies! These lies were filling my head left and right and the temptation of opting out all of a sudden sounded amazing. It was a mental, physical, and spiritual fight. Everything in front of me encouraged me to stay. Friends, family, my Uncle's cancer; these all seemed like 'good enough' reasons to me. But thankfully, God dealt with me gently, and although it was very hard, He helped me, strengthened me, and walked with me every step of the way through that airport gate. That was it. I needed to go back, I had to go back. The only question in my mind now was, "What am I going to do when I get back?"

I had been gone for more than 3 weeks-almost a month-and in that time I had left my responsibilities (with permission). However, part of me felt like I had let everyone down. The youth, and the church. Of course no one said anything to make me think that. You see, while I was in America I received an email that truly broke my heart. All of the youth had stopped coming to all of the weekly youth groups since I had been away. This truly devastated me. And to be honest, was one of the main factors in me wanting to give up, sadly. My whole goal in ministry is to create something Christ-centered that eventually one day can run without me. I want it to have NOTHING to do with me, and EVERYTHING to do with Christ and His direction, leadership, and heart for the kids. That's it. The very opposite was unfolding before my eyes as I read this email. Everything I was working to attain in the previous 8 months now seemed to be falling apart in a matter of days. How was I to go back and re-start? Was I supposed to rebuild from scratch? I had no idea! But this is where the difficulty in trusting the LORD really began to set in. I didn't know how to trust Him, didn't really feel like trusting Him, but had to. After all, everything I was doing/trying to do was FOR HIM in the first place. It saddened me how quickly I had made it about me. Selfish Rachel setting in. Pathetic.

Anyways, as I asked God and myself all of these questions on the plane back to London, God's peace began to gently sweep over me. He assured me that He was with me and that He was in control of everything. Not just me, but everything else as well. The youth. The youth groups. The church. The ministry. All of it was in HIS hands, not mine. I needed this reminder. God was so gracious to me on that plane ride, wow!

I arrived back on a Thursday and that following Friday I had a choice to make: to run youth group or to sleep off the jet-lag and run it the following week. I didn't know what to do, after all, there were no kids TO run it for. So, I started praying and asking God for His complete authority and help in making the decision. It had to be Him making it. Again, graciously He spoke to me and encouraged me to try and do some sort of outreach. I felt that He wanted me to go down to the local park and pray. So, I did. However, before I went down, two of my youth group helpers showed up unexpectedly to see if I was back and needed help! I knew God was up to something! I told them that I felt we needed to go to the park and pray for opportunities to share Christ! They were thrilled to come with and to pray, and so was I! All of a sudden I forgot ALL of my prior anxieties and insecurities. God had taken over completely, I was just trying to listen to Him and be obedient. There was one little boy in the park when we showed up, so I prayed for him and an opportunity then prayed for more children.

Next thing we knew, there was a group of children walking towards us. They came from nowhere! They apparently recognized me and came over to say hi. The first thing out of one of their mouths was, "One of our friends died yesterday." And then silence. These kids were in primary school and no more than 8 or 9 years old. I was shocked and didn't know what to say, but tried to muster up some comfourting words. One of the kids broke the awkwardness and asked us to play football so we started a match to try and take their minds off of their friends sudden death. I asked them where their parents were. Most of the children replied, "Pub. They don't come for us until they feel like being done drinking." Again, my heart sank. How could this be? Such sweet children, grieving their young classmates death, and they are left alone in the park?! I kept praying for them and so did the other helpers.

The next thing that happened was totally from God. After playing football for a while the kids were all looking tired so I had them sit down in the middle of the grass for a break. There was about 9 of them in the circle and then one of the helpers and myself. They quickly brought up death again and began asking all sorts of questions. It turns out they knew I was a Christian because I had done some assemblies in their school.I praised God for this open door and for the wonderful opportunities He was bringing our way! After the one or two questions about death and their friend, they began to ask about Christianity and Hell, creation and suffering, and why I was a Christian...etc. They had such great questions. Questions adults don't even ask. I then got to share with them the great news of Jesus! Praise the LORD! I walked them through the Gospel step by step and answered all the questions I could along the way. Towards the end of our chat one of the little boys asked, "So can I become a Christian like you?" I said excitedly, "yes, absolutely buddy!!" And then he said with anticipation, "Like today!?" I then explained to him that we could pray right then and there if he wanted to and Jesus would hear us and He could become a Christian in the middle of the field. One of the little girls in the group was listening intently and nodding her head with interest! I was so excited I could hardly contain it! The little boy wanted to pray so we did! I prayed, then he prayed as well, out loud, and with great confidence in the middle of this park. While he was talking to Jesus, this other little girl and a few of the boys bowed their heads in silence, nodding as he prayed. I don't know what they were thinking,saying, or praying, but they heard about Jesus that evening and I believe they may have even have come to know Him at that moment! When we finished talking to Jesus the little boy gave me a hug, thanked me, and was jumping up and down proclaiming, "I'm a Christian now!!" He went away smiling bigger than you've ever seen! WOW! Praise GOD!

It was the most precious thing. I will never forget that day when God used someone as insecure, messed up, and faithless as me to bring one, two, or however many children into HIS Kingdom! Wow. God is amazing! It's ALL to His glory and for His glory! This was the greatest reminder I could've asked for from God; HE WAS DEFINITELY THE ONE IN CONTROL! There was NO need to fear.

Psalm 130

2009-07-21T13:43:00.000-07:00

A song of Ascents.

"Out of the depths I cry to You, O LORD!
O Lord, hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

If You, O LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?
But with YOU there IS forgiveness, that You may be feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word I hope;
my soul waits for the LORD
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the LORD!
For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with Him is plentiful redemption! And He will redeem Israel from all his iniquities."

Wow. This psalm has really touched me and challenged me.

WITH HIM IS PLENTIFUL REDEMPTION! Wow! With HIM. The LORD. YAHWEH! The One, true, Living God who does not change but remains the same yesterday, today, and forever! His redemption is plentiful. There is more than enough to go around! Not just for me, but for the world in its entirety! Wow. We don't deserve it-I of all people, surely do NOT deserve God's redemption! I don't deserve any of it- God Himself, His forgiveness, His mercy, His grace, or His redemption. But oh how I desperately need Him. Oh how I desperately need HIM to redeem me from the sin that so easily entangles me! The psalmist refers to those who are too unworthy to stand before the Lord and well, it is I; I cannot stand, nor could I ever stand in His presence according to my own righteousness or in my human strength because of all my iniquities. Lord, I need Your forgiveness so much, every day! Thank you for being so forgiving and merciful towards such a sinner like myself. Thank you. My heart is overwhelmed with every emotion, but moreover-thankfulness. With YOU is plentiful redemption! And Lord, YOU WILL REDEEM YOUR PEOPLE! You will! Thank You Lord, thank You.

More than a friend

2009-07-21T13:16:00.000-07:00

LONDON BABY!!!

2009-07-19T18:09:00.000-07:00

A few weekends ago on the 4th of July, 3 of my closest English friends took me to LONDON for my first time! It was a total blast, so I've posted some pics for you to see! Ever since I was a little girl it's been my dream to go to London and I finally got to do it! It was an unforgettable time and truly more amazing than I could of ever hoped or dreamed! :) Can't wait to go back to my dream city! (only a train ride away, ah!) Enjoy the photos!

SWINE FLU: THIS LITTLE PIGGY STAYED HOME

2009-07-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

Yep. Well, it's official. I've had swine flu for the past week. Pig flu. Pig-rosy. Ms. Piggy flu. Whatever you want to call it.The funny thing is, for some reason it's really not all that surprising to everyone I know, including myself, that I even got it in the first place. Actually, it's rather funny because it is something that totally WOULD and totally DID happen to me! hahaha. Oh man. I'm on day number 6 and still in quarantine. I'm in an incubator all by myself......ok, so maybe I'm alone in my flat, but it still counts. I haven't seen human life in days. Wonderful people have been leaving stuff outside my door or sending it through my little "post box hole" in my door. It's great, but I feel a bit like a leper to be honest. It's like I'm living in the isolated land of lepers back when Jesus' walked the earth. The lepers would have to shout out in loud voices, "UNCLEAN! I'M UNCLEAN!" to warn any people in case they might catch it and become infected.

Ok, ok. So maybe I don't even come close...but it has given me a BIT of a taste of what it might have felt like to be a leper in total isolation from everyone and everything- society and all normality back in the day. I feel like there's a sign on my door that says, "RUN AWAY FROM HERE! QUICK! HURRY! SHE'S UNCLEAN!" It's terrible. Maybe somewhat laughable in how I'm portraying it, but mostly terrible. I couldn't imagine doing this every day, or being in permanent isolation because of a skin disease or incurable condition. My feelings and frustration in being alone must not come even remotely close to those of real lepers. However, I'm thankful for how it's made me think and for the reminder that we, that I, must not take good health and all of God's blessings for granted.

Thank you to everyone who has been so thoughtful towards me through sweet messages/emails, leaving care packages/food outside of my door, and through your prayers and incredible suppourt! I know that many of you would physically be in here with me if you could, and that is so sweet of you, but really, stay away for your sake. You're better off in the safety and comfourt of your own home. Do not worry about me, save yourself. I'm really glad you're on that side of the door because I would hate for you to get this flu, it's no fun. So like I said, stay clean, and stay away.

I know I joke, but thank you again in all seriousness. So many of you have been far too gracious towards me and I'm truly so thankful for all of your concern, generosity, meals, prayers, and suppourt! I feel so blessed to have so many wonderful people and friends that care. Thank you, and may God bless you all.

Stay clear of the pigs. And of the flu. Stay clear of me as well until further notice! :)

Incredible faith from the mouths of babes

2009-07-19T14:53:00.001-07:00

Matthew 21:16
“…and they said to him, "Do you hear what these are saying?" And Jesus said to them, "Yes; have you never read, “Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babies you have prepared praise'?"

Well it has been a while since I've posted anything on here, but the time has come for me to blog again. Why? Because some exciting things must be written, shared, and passed on to you. It would be selfish of me not to write, as these brief testimonies from the mouths and hearts of children are a great encouragement and warm blessing to any soul. I must share with you all that God has done. I cannot contain it! I must share what I have seen and heard from these precious, God-given children in the tiny village of Hooe, England! Although the Lord has called me to minister, and has blessed me with the privilege of doing so, I feel that the children have ministered to me a far greater amount than I to them. For this, I am truly overwhelmed with gratitude.

Since I first arrived to my ‘placement church’ in a tiny English village, I had a real heart for the children and church people from the very beginning. God gave me a very genuine love for them, which could only come from Him, as we were all still pretty much strangers. However, as I got to learn people’s names, play with the children, and see how the church operated week in week out, God gave me a clear vision of starting something new, as well as a deep desire and eagerness to see this vision fulfilled. After spending a lot of time praying, listening for the voice of God, jotting down ideas, discussing them with different people, and praying some more-I felt God saying that He wanted me to create some sort of Youth/children’s service: A specific service once a month, for the children and one day, run by the children.

A children’s service was a completely new idea to this church; it had never been done before. There had always been family services and children focused talks in the adult services; however, there wasn’t anything specifically designed just for children. Being new, I didn’t want to come across like I had all the right ideas of how we ought to do things, because that’s not the case at all, nor my heart or my mindset. However, I did feel strongly that this was something I needed to bring up and present to the leaders of the church. To my surprise, they all welcomed the idea of a monthly children’s service with little hesitation; I was so thrilled!

With that said, two Sunday’s ago was our 5th Youth Praise Service since launching it! Praise God! We decided to call it Youth Praise because the whole vision behind it was teaching children how to Worship Jesus in “Child-like” ways. I felt that God wanted them to develop a new understanding of worship. The children desperately needed to be given examples of what worship actually is and what it looks like practically! It has nothing to do with age, appearance, race, or how much money you make or give, or anything of the sort. Worshipping Christ is all about loving Him, bringing glory to Jesus with all of your heart, mind, soul, and strength in everything you do or say. The exciting thing is—the children are GETTING IT!

Here are those sweet testimonies I was talking about from the children themselves…
This last Youth Praise service I was talking about how we can worship God through our giving, but not necessarily just our money. This was a new concept to the kids. So as I passed around my famous “Finding Nemo Offering Mug”, I asked each child individually if there was anything they wanted to put in the mug to give to Jesus as a simple way of saying thank you to Him. I told them it was okay if they didn’t have money-Jesus didn’t need their money. Knowing that none of them had any change on them anyways, I still held out the mug in front of them, letting them respond to Christ however they chose to out of their heart. What little Jacob did next shocked me and blessed me beyond words. Little Jacob took the mug in his sweet little hands and said softly, “I want to give Jesus my words.” After saying this, Jacob began to whisper quietly into the mug. He was talking to Jesus, and thanking Him. He told Jesus how much He loved Him. And that was that; he gave it back to me like it was nothing and I moved onto the next child. But wow! What faith! Oh to have the faith of little Jacob. I was so taken back by his innocent faith and felt so overwhelmed by the love of Christ!

I handed the offering mug to another little girl and asked her the same question I asked Jacob “Is there anything you want to give to Jesus this morning?” She took it out of my hands excitedly and said, “I want to give Him my hands”, as she went on to put her little right hand inside of the mug, and then her left.

This is true faith. Faith that doesn’t question the reality, existence, or relevance of God, but rather believes with all confidence He is who He says He is; there is no need for questions. This is the faith that can move mountains. This is the type of faith that if I speak into a little mug, Jesus will surely hear me and listen to me. He’s not far off, He’s in everything. This is child like faith. It is the type of faith that I so greatly desire and secretly envy when I hear these precious kids speaking in such boldness and assurance.

These are just a couple of the things that they’ve blessed me by, and that God has used THEM to teach me. I hope that you are greatly encouraged. I pray that for you and me today that we would begin to take hold of this child-like faith where all things are possible, because God is on our side!

Psalm 3

2009-05-05T08:16:00.000-07:00

I've just began reading through the Psalms. I've done this before, but am so excited to do it again and with fresh eyes and open ears to the new things God wants to speak to me through His word. However, lately I've been convicted of just reading Scripture, yet not allowing it to sink in and change me. I've been challenged to, rather than just reading, actually remember and reflect on it in a deeper way, learning about, and studying the spiritual and historical depth behind these different writings, poems, and songs. I read Pslam 3 this morning and was greatly encouraged by it; thought I'd share my thoughts briefly with you.

Aside from this being a really powerful and emotional psalm, I began to reflect upon the background and author. I thought about who was actually, physically writing it, and why. First of all, before the psalm even begins we are given the authors name: David. Now you most likely will recall David, little shepherd boy that killed Goliath? Well, This is same David. Do you remember the young man who played the harp for King Saul? This is him. David. What about that "crazy man" that danced wildly as an act of worship to the LORD? Yep, you guessed it-David again. And then there's that famous King of Israel, it was well was him. Yes, King David. THIS is the David I'm referring to. He was known as a man after God's own heart.

So that answers the question of WHO is writing this beautiful song/poem. But when was David writing it, and why?

Before it begins, again we are told. "A Psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom"

Not only did David write this, he wrote it while his own son was trying to kill him! He was feeling from trying to save his life! His son had the entire Jewish Arm seraching for David, seeking to KILL him!

This also answers why. He wrote it BECAUSE he knew he might be killed at any moment. He needed God's strength and help!

Thinking about this historical background/context has really helped me read this psalm in a new way. Rather than just reading it, I was able to read it from the imagination,mindset, and heartof David. It made his prayers come to life;his words and the emotion in his voice made something come alive in my own heart. If you listen closely and read carefully, you might just be able to hear David's voice as He spoke/wrote each word to the LORD. Wow.

I hope this blesses you the way it blessed me. Oh to have a heart like David's. Oh to trust God and have faith like he had. Lord, please begin to change me and make me more like You. Give me greater, bolder, and deeper faith. I long for more of You, in me. Please give me a heart more like David's...honest, willing, and completely surrendered to You. Amen. I've given you the Psalm below-I'd encourage you to read it, chew upon it, and enjoy it thoroughly for yourself!

Psalm 3
A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom.

1 O LORD, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!
2 Many are saying of me,
"God will not deliver him."
Selah (to pause or think upon)
3 But you are a shield around me, O LORD;
you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
4 To the LORD I cry aloud,
and he answers me from his holy hill.
Selah
5 I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
6 I will not fear the tens of thousands
drawn up against me on every side.
7 Arise, O LORD!
Deliver me, O my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.
8 From the LORD comes deliverance.
May your blessing be on your people.
Selah

Macdonalds and street evangelism?

2009-05-05T07:19:00.000-07:00

That Saturday had been an all around strange day to begin with. From the very moment I woke up, I wasn't feeling like myself and couldn't "snap out of it". I don't know why I felt the way I did; it was actually starting to annoy me. Maybe overwhelmed would somewhat better describe how I was feeling? I don't know. I didn't really want to see anyone or do much of anything. I just wanted to be by myself. I had been moving into my third "host home" and was trying to get settled best I could. To be honest, I was drained and completely running out of energy- not to mention enthusiasm. I made up my mind deciding I was just going to have a "me" night. I told my 'new hosts' that I wasn't planning on going anywhere for the evening. After all, it was already past 8 o'clock at night and I had already been out every week night thus far. I just wanted to stay in and simply "be". You can probabaly guess what happened next. Yep. I got a text message from a friend asking me to hang out. She knew I had been having an 'off' day so she quickly reassured me that all she wanted to do was go grab a quick coke or something and that it wouldn't need to be a late evening. She wanted to get out for a bit, and I couldn't say no. So much for sticking to my guns? I thought it would be lovely to see her, so couldn't help but give in for an hour or two. Anyways, she came and picked me up at about 9:15 and we headed off to Plymouth City Centre for a quick drink on the Barbican.

When we got to town, I still wasn't feeling much like being out. We went into a couple of pubs, but they were so full and it being a Saturday night, people were just getting drunker and drunker-I couldn't handle that atmosphere and felt a bit claustrophobic. My friend was up for anything but could tell I was feeling uneasy. Instead of staying in a pub, we started walking around the Barbican, enjoying the fresh, cool air and chatting. Then we headed back to city centre still not knowing where to go or what to do. We both agreed that something cheap and family friendly sounded lovely. What did we choose?Good ole' Macdonalds. We both got a coke and something to eat, but couldn't sit it inside because they were cleaning/closing the lobby. So, we wandered outside and found a random wooden bench,took a seat, and enjoyed our ice cream, chips, and coke. Next thing I knew, there she was. My friend didn't see her at first, but I was drawn to her immediately. She was staggering off to our left, but it was hard to make out her appearance or age in the darkeness. However, I could hear her -and what I heard broke my heart. Faint Whimpering. She was crying. And shaking. Cold. Lost. And all alone. She ended up sitting on a different bench, just around the corner of ours. Right then and there, I felt God's spirit tugging on my heart and prompting me to talk with this girl. I gave my friend a look saying, "she needs our help", but before my friend could even respond, it was as if God had lifted me to my feet and walked me over to her. All of a sudden I found myself standing in front of her, asking her if she needed someone to chat with. She began crying harder then, and said helplessly, "I have no one to chat with me." Hearing her say that broke my heart.

We quickly sat down on both sides of her, putting our hands on her back, and trying to calm her down. When I got a proper glance into her eyes it became quite obvious that she had had far too much to drink. I began to ask her what she was doing out in town, her name, and her age. She told us she had been drinking with her friends, but they had taken off, leaving her completely alone, vulnerable, and drunk in the dark. She couldn't tell us where she lived, because she couldn't remember. We got her some water and tried to listen to her and help her cope with all of the emotions she was feeling. She was completely overwhelmed and didn't know what to do. She kept saying she was just going to walk home. The problem was 1) she didn't know where home was, and 2) she couldn't even stand up without us holding onto her arms. She was very feeble and wobbly. We knew she wasn't going to make it home safely unless we helped her. This girl was beautiful, thin, and 17. She had vulnerable written all over her. Any male could've taken advantage of her that night and she wouldn't have been able to protect herself, stop him, or even known how to care. She had no control over her body. My heart was in pieces for this precious young teen.

She began changing the subject (well, quite often) but she started talking about her parents and how terrible things were at home. She needed Jesus so much, that's all I kept thinking. Next thing I knew, she pulled away saying "Just let me do it. You've got to let me do it." I asked her what she was talking about and she went on to tell me that she wanted to commit suicide, that night. She had already been planning on it, and didn't want anything to stop her. She told us she had attempted suicide a few week prior, but her attempt had failed and she lived through it. I quickly explained to her that we couldn't let her do that, reminding her also, she had had too much to drink. She was very upset, crying more now. She was so sweet despite the state she was in. I asked her if it was okay for me to share a bit of my story with her. She gave me a random hug, and pleaded with me to tell her. I began by saying, "You and I are a lot more a like than you think" and went on to share a bit of my testimony with her explaining to her that I too had once attempted suicide and didn't want to live. She asked me how i coped and got to how I was today, and I was able to share Jesus with her! She said, "I need a reason to live, give me a reason". So, I continued telling her about Jesus and how much He loved her. She was still quite drunk, but somehow the words I was saying were making sense to her. She thanked me and gave me a huge hug, saying she already felt better. It was amazing. She was gaining more control and strength back, but still not in a state to walk home. We asked her if we could get her a taxi, and she finally agreed (we had offered before, but she refused). Before we walked her to the nearest taxi, I asked her if I could pray with her. She quickly and gratefully said "yes!", closed her eyes, and folded her hands. It was such a precious moment. I opened my mouth, and began to pray for her. It wasn't my words however, God's Spirit filled me and gave me the words to say/pray. After we finished, she gave me another big hug, and kept thanking me! We went up to the taxi and I explained the state she was in to the kind taxi driver. He assured me he'd get her home safely (she started to remember where she lived), so i gave him some money and then we helped her in the car and said goodbye. After she was gone, my friend and I prayed for her again, asking God to protect her and love her once again, getting her home safely.

We will never know the rest of the story. We will probably never see this special girl again. But, all I know is that God was present with us. His Spirit was clearly leading and ordaining everything. Every word, the prayer- everything was from GOD and blessed by GOD! I trust that the LORD will never leave or forsake this precious girl of His and I hope and pray that one day she will come to know and love Jesus! She was very responsive to the truth of Christ when we were sharing Him with her! Who knows, maybe God will use that night to change her life?! Or maybe that was just the beginning...but a seed that was planted! I believe that ALL things are truly possible with God; He was really working in her heart that night and in mine as well. It was completely amazing to see her changing as we were talking, hugging her, and sharing Jesus with her. She really did leave a different girl then the one we first met sat on the bench. Wow. Isn't God incredible?! We serve an AMAZING God.

It was such a tremendous blessing and privilege to be there for her and to be used as God's instrument and mouthpiece. It was clear to me that the whole night was GOD's doing and not mine. It was as if He completely took over my mouth and body: my words were HIS words, and my hands and feet were HIS. I felt so inadequate and useless all day, yet HE clearly had a different and better plan for how He wanted my evening to go. He wanted to use me, despite my weakness and tiredness. If GOD is willing to use me, then HE is MORE THAN WILLING TO USE YOU as you are willing to be used BY HIM and FOR HIS
GLORY!

So my question for you, and myself is this: will you and I let Him?

Let us...Rejoice?

2009-05-01T06:17:00.000-07:00

Habakkuk 3:17-19

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail, and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take JOY in the God of my salvation. GOD, the LORD, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer's, He makes me tread on my high places."

I received a heart-wrenching email from home 2 days ago. The email explained that doctors have now found cancer in my Uncle's brain, in 5 different lesions. My Uncle had been diagnosed with Tracheatic cancer just days before I came to England, but a couple months ago, things were looking very good-there was no sign of the cancer. It seemed to be completely gone. However, this past week as my Aunt and Uncle went up to the hospital for what was 'expected' to be a simple and quick check up; however, things all of a sudden became serious again. He was having trouble with movement and feeling in his arm. Everyone thought it had been a result of his surgery, but come to find out...that wasn't the case. It was a matter of his brain. They did an MRI and hence, the cancer has now been found on his brain.

What am I supposed to do with this? Being thousands of miles away, this news has hit me terribly hard. These past couple of days, I have been absolutely devastated, confused, and upset. I can't stop thinking about and missing my family back home. I think about my Aunt and how she must be coping in all of this. And my cousins and their families. In all honesty, I haven't known what to do with myself. I tried to continue on working and sticking to a somewhat normal routine, but just found myself back in my bed. cold. shaking. and alone. I kept trying to comfourt myself through wrapping blankets all around me, picturing a family member or friend hugging me. But who am I kidding? It was just a heap of blankets, and me in the middle. I still felt alone. I haven't been able to stop the tears either. Water just keeps falling, falling, and falling from my eyes. I haven't known what to do, how to respond, or who to go to. The truth is, I feel very alone right now. I know God is with me. I praise Him for His presence day after day. However, I'm very grieved and distraught.I want to be back in my familar surroundings, with people who know me and understand me. I want my family. I want my best friend. I don't know how to cope with everything being an ocean away.

With that said, After having these couple difficult and emotional days, I finally opened up the Word and asked God to speak to me and comfourt me through His Spirit. He always proves faithful doesn't He?! He never fails. He provided me with this familiar passage in Habakkuk. I've read it many a times, and always am left feeling so encouraged by it. God knew it was just what I needed to hear today. Lord, you are always so good to me.

When I was reading it, i couldn't help but personalize it....

"Though my Uncle has incurable brain cancer...
though my best friend is miles away, across the ocean...
though things may seem unbearable and I want to give up...
though i feel empty and useless where I am...
though the only place i want to be right now is home...

I WILL REJOICE IN THE LORD! I WILL TAKE JOY IN THE GOD OF MY SALVATION! GOD, THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH."

This is the beauty of Christ and being a follower of Jesus. We have been given an amazing choice-and it's only ours to make. The choice is simply: to rejoice. No matter what is going on, no matter how difficult the timing or circumstance...we must choose to rejoice, and we must choose to consider it pure joy whenever we face these various trials. It's not a curse, it is such a blessing! We GET to Rejoice~ We GET to Trust n the LORD! Through HIM, we GET to Persevere through hardship! Through HIM we GET to be thankful even when it's hard!

Therefore, I'd encourage you to please join me in making this choice, no matter how much your flesh is telling you not to. No matter how bad everything seems, no matter how much you just want to give up. You and I have a choice to make, even today. If we choose to, we can experience the very joy of Christ at this exact moment in time, and in this specific season of our lives.

Wow. I hope this encourages you as much as it does me.

These lyrics put it best...

2009-04-27T16:27:00.001-07:00

"Where are you tonight,
as I sit here and cry,
watching double decker buses pass me by?
And to tell you the truth
it's all that I can do
to keep from jumping on a plane that's headed home to you."

From London By Brandon Heath

Thoughts on Homesickness

2009-04-17T17:40:00.000-07:00

I've been very homesick, a lot lately. Actually to be honest, lately is an understatement, 7 months sounds a bit more accurate. Now assuming you've experienced this to some degree, maybe you can help dissect it alongside me. Is this "sickness" psychological, physical, or spiritual? Or is it all three of these elements combined together to form one "commonly caught illness"? Personally, I'm seeing a bit of a pattern in it all. Homesickness seems to be more than just missing a person, place, or people group. If you really think about it, I believe you'll find that it is a deeper sense of longing for belonging in what once was. I'll say that again.

Homesickness is a deep sense of longing, to belong in what once was.

I'm starting to believe that this "sickness" is more than just a temporary feeling. It's part of our human condition-it is a part of the sinful nature-part of me.

In the beginning, God created the world and He saw that it was good. God also created man and woman (in HIS own image) to dwell with Him physically in the Garden of Eden. In this Garden, they experienced constant communion, perfect unity, and physical fellowship with the living God daily(wow)! Separation from Him was non-existent; humans lived in harmony with God because sin had not yet entered the world. Therefore, I would argue that homesickness had no place in the world or in their hearts, because Adam and Eve were living in a perfect, right, and intimate relationship with God Almighty. However, after Adam and Eve deliberately disobeyed God by eating the fruit that He specifically commanded them not to, sin, evil, and yes I believe, even homesickness entered the world.

You might ask why? Simple. Homesickness is a longing for home. A longing for what once was. And what is this "was" I'm speaking of? It's God! It's His dwelling place. His Garden. It's the longing for Him to re-unite us with Himself in what will be His perfect, sinless world. Since the beginning of sin in the world, humans have been trying to find a way back to God. The unity that once existed so freely has been broken due to each person's sin in this world, of which mine is the worst. We can no longer simply be with God. There is a huge span of separation between Him and us. I believe that this separation naturally creates a deep, subconscious (or conscious) longing to find our way back home to God. I believe homesickness really comes from God's people, His creation searching out of total desperation to find the way back to our Creator. Because of sin, all humans have a soul that is longing to be back home.

Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to suggest that there is no solution to this "sickness" or that there will never be one, because the truth is...it's always been JESUS, it's still JESUS, and it will always be JESUS! He is the ONE solution, the ONE cure to our problem of sin. He gave His life for us, so that we might live and enjoy that unity and that fellowship and that relationship with HIM once again! With that said, however; I am saying that I believe homesickness will still exist, just like sin still exists, until one day I am back home, we, God's people, are safely back home with our Creator in Heaven, experiencing perfect unity with Him.

So yes, although I'm homesick now to be home in America, and although I desperately long to see my best friend, and my family, people and so on, it is more than that. I'm homesick for heaven. I really am. I am longing to be back with my Creator. I cannot wait to be home with Him someday in Heaven. But until that day, I will press on, fight through the emotions, fears, and whatever else may come with this "sickness" knowing that some day soon, it will all be worth it. Oh what a glorious day that will be when my God will take me home for the last time. Oh what a day when I get to see my Jesus face to face! I truly cannot wait.

"I Need Thee"

2009-04-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
no tender voice like thine can peace afford.

I need thee, O I need thee;
every hour I need thee;
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee.

I need thee every hour; stay thou nearby;
temptations lose their power when thou art nigh.

I need thee every hour, in joy or pain;
come quickly and abide, or life is vain.

I need thee every hour; teach me thy will;
and thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me thine indeed, thou blessed Son.

Robert Lowry, 1872

"Everything" sketch

2009-03-25T10:33:00.000-07:00

I just came across this video again on You tube. I've seen it countless times, and have even performed it before, yet it never ceases to grip my heart and overwhelm me with God's love. It's an amazing portrayal of Christ love for us. Wow.

"Lost in Wonder" (You Chose the Cross)

2009-03-24T17:29:00.000-07:00

Facebook Statuses

2009-03-24T10:20:00.000-07:00

After thinking about facebook, and how much time I probably spend/waste updating my status, and reading other people's statuses as well, it occurred to me that I haven't exactly been using facebook for anything more than my personal pleasure and enjoyment. I know it might sound ridiculous, but I want that to change. I want everything I think, do, say, or write to bring glory to Jesus! Rather than it being all about me, I want my facebook (something so insignificant), to encourage others to think about Christ, that they might be drawn to HIM in some way!

Yesterday I decided to make a vow to the Lord, and myself really, that from now on my 'status' will be Christ-centered, rather than Rachel-centered. It is my goal to use this silly, overrated, and obsessive online world to direct others/friends to Christ, hopefully causing them to think about Him in some way, shape, or form. I was talking to a friend of mine about it, who has also agreed to do the same. I know it seems strange, or maybe pathetic, yet I think that a facebook status is something so simple, practical, and harmless that Christians all over the world could really utilise it to proclaim, glorify, and honour Christ!

It's just a thought...but if you have a facebook, and want to see Christ magnified, maybe it's something to think about?

I don't know. You tell me.

Sharing the Gospel in Secondary Schools!?

2009-03-19T18:52:00.000-07:00

These past few weeks God has blessed me with so many different opportunities to share the gospel of Jesus with Religious Education classes in the local secondary school (aka...high school)! It has been AMAZING to be IN the school and to be a voice for Christ in such a public/secular campus! I feel so inadequate, and am shocked to think that God would choose to speak through me, but what a real privilege it has been to proclaim HIS truth in and out of the classrooms! It's so exciting to be a small part of all that God is doing in this school; it's mind blowing really! The students are understanding Christ for the first time, and it is truly incredible to watch them as they're subconsciously stepping closer and closer to receiving Christ as their personal Saviour! It's clearly God's doing, and not mine! It's quite amazing really because the teacher's have named me (yes, me, ahhh so scary!) "the face of Christianity" for the entire school. I know. Terrifying! And the students have begun calling me Mrs. Christian as well. Wow. Shocking again, yet what a testimony of who GOD IS! It's clearly NOT ME! IT'S ALL GOD!! ALL THE GLORY AND PRAISE MUST GO TO HIM!!! I'm the wrong face...Jesus is the Only face there is to focus on- I just happen to be a small little person trying to point people to HIM! God is the author, I'm simply the pen that He is writing with as HE pleases!

ANYTHING good in me, is CHRIST!

Each class that I work with is different, but most usually consist of 25-30, 12-16 year olds. I'm also working with 3 different teachers as well, all of which are either atheist or agnostic. Basically, a typical day in the school looks like this:

I walk into the different classrooms, never knowing what to expect. Literally. Sometimes the teacher will ask me out of the blue, in front of the students, to teach a lesson right then and there. There is no time for preparation, no time to think, and no time to stall. So, I just start praying quick prayers asking for God's words to be mine; for His Holy Spirit to fill me with knowledge of His truth; for His strength, wisdom, and guidance in knowing what to say to these students and teachers.

Other times I'm asked on the spot to participate in a question and answer period that has become known as "Grill the Christian" (no, not kill the Christian...although sometimes it feels that way!) Basically, this is 50 minutes of the students (and the teachers as well!) asking questions about Christianity, my personal beliefs, and world issues at large, and then me doing my best to answer them openly and honestly, from the "Christian perspective". The kids are even told that they can use my responses to their questions in their coursework and exams. For example, they can actually say, "A Christian came into our classroom and said this..." and they will actually be given bonus points on their exam. Wow, crazy or what? With this comes great responsibility, and a major need for God's authority and Spirit to be speaking through me! But you know what? Every single time, GOD has been and continues to be faithful; He always provides me with the words to say and the strength needed to cope with the pressure! Isn't the LORD amazing?! Wow. I feel so privileged. Scared? Yes, of course, BUT I know that my God is with me and He will never leave me stranded or speechless--especially when it comes to speaking on His behalf. Man. It still blows me away.

The school's work and all of these different lessons have been very challenging, to say the least. I'm being stretched in ways I didn't dream were possible, but am so thankful for God's Holy Spirit and the power that comes from knowing Him. Because I'm constantly being put on the spot, my faith and knowledge of Christ is really being put to the test. I HAVE to know what I believe...and I must be sure of the hope that I have in Jesus. I must learn, and live, and teach the gospel like never before. Of course with great success in sharing Jesus, there is persecution and mocking that come as well, but that is no surprise, nor should it be. Jesus told us we'd face opposition and persecution--it truly is a blessing for the sake of Christ! God is teaching me so much through all of this, and I'm feeling His power at work more than ever! He is faithful always and HE will NOT abandon His people!

If you would like to pray for me in this area of school's work, I would greatly appreciate your support. I'm in the school on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays and as encouraging and exciting as it is, it is also very tiring! These class sessions takes a lot of spiritual and mental energy, along with sound knowledge of the Word, consistency, and discernment. With this privilege of being in the school so often, comes great testing and spiritual warfare as well. Therefore, prayer is ESSENTIAL. So if you could please pray that God would continue to use me, and that HE would speak through me-that would be so great! Please pray for real courage, boldness, and obedience--that I might do the work of Him who has called me, faithfully, for HIS glory! Please also pray that God would protect me and strengthen me personally as Satan attempts to wage battle against my soul and the work of Christ that is being done. Thank you so much, I really appreciate any prayer support!

Wow, again what a privilege and great honour it is to love, serve, and share the living GOD! He is so worthy. I hope this encourages you. GOD is working, and GOD is winning! His truth is being proclaimed, and He is drawing HIS people unto Himself! Wow! Praise the LORD! He is good! AMEN.

Suffering according to St. Peter

2009-03-16T09:44:00.000-07:00

1 Peter 4:12-19

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange is happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed. if you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory [and of power] and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what
will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And "If the righteous is scarcely saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?"

THEREFORE, let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good!"

St. Peter was a disciple and bondservant of Christ; He was a man who faced persecution, imprisonment, torture, and ultimately even death for his bold faith in Christ; He was martyred 33-34 years after the death of Christ. According to Smith’s Bible Dictionary there is satisfactory evidence that he and Paul were the founders of the church at Rome, and died in that city. The time and manner of the apostle’s martyrdom are less certain. According to the early writers, he died at or about the same time with Paul, and in the Neronian persecution, A.D. 67,68. All agree that he was crucified. Origen says that Peter felt himself to be unworthy to be put to death in the same manner as his Master, and was therefore, at his own request, crucified with his head downward.

Dear Lord,
I desire to have bolder faith
If you will, please bless me with increasing confidence in preaching You wherever I may be, to whomever I'm speaking
Please give me the courage to share you whilst holding nothing back
Lord, may Your Name-the sweet name of Jesus-always be upon my lips, and exemplified in my actions
I long to magnify You and make you known to the world, until the day You release me from this temporary home
Lord Jesus, I desire more than anything to share you with everyone
Help me be your disciple where you want me to live as so,
no matter what that means
Please enable me to speak Your truth without fear
May Your words flow ceasingly from my mouth,
by the authority and power of Your Spirit
You MUST increase, and I MUST decrease, please!
Oh how I long to consider myself nothing compared to You, Jesus
I'm sorry for my stubbornness, selfish, and evil desires
Bring me lower, humble me Lord
Help me lose myself, that I may deny my sinful tendancies to compromise
Whatever this cross might look like, help me bare it willingly with all obedience
may I, as a follower of Jesus, never remain silent on your behalf, Lord
Please become my voice, my hands, my feet, and dwell with me always
Jesus, may I never cease sharing You, till the day I die
all my love, all my life, all I can offer
I give to thee
It's all for You and Your glory, forevermore
Amen

THEREFORE, let ME suffer according to YOUR will as I entrust my soul to YOU, my faithful Creator, while doing good...

My New Favourite Hymn

2009-03-13T08:11:00.000-07:00

"ALL I ONCE HELD DEAR"

All I once held dear, built my life upon
All this world reveres, and wars to own
All I once thought gain I have counted loss
Spent and worthless now, compared to this

Knowing you, Jesus, knowing you,
There is no greater thing
You're my all, you're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love you, Lord

Now my heart’s desire is to know you more
To be found in you and known as yours
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All-surpassing gift, of righteousness

Oh, to know the power of your risen life
And to know you in your suffering
To become like you in your death, my Lord
So with you to live and never die

Lord, I pray that my life would reflect this beautiful hymn...

Puritan Prayer: Devotion

2009-03-08T10:11:00.001-07:00

"God of my end, it is my greatest, noblest pleasure to be acquainted with Thee and with my rational, immortal soul; it is sweet and entertaining to look into my being when all my powers and passions are united and engaged in pursuit of Thee, when my soul longs and passionately breathes after conformity to Thee and the full enjoyment of Thee; no hours pass away with so much pleasure as those spent in communion with Thee and with my heart."

Puritan Prayer: The Valley of Vision

2009-03-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

"Lord, high and holy,
meek and lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths
but see Thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin
I behold Thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;

let me find
Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty,
Thy glory in my valley."

Puritan Prayer: Contentment

2009-03-08T09:53:00.001-07:00

"Heavenly Father, if I should suffer need, and go unclothed, and be in poverty, make my heart prize Thy love, know it, be constrained by it, though I be denied all blessings. It is Thy mercy to afflict and try me with wants, for by these trials I see my sins, and desire severance from them. Let me willingly accept misery, sorrows, temptations, if I can thereby feel sin as the greatest evil, and be delivered from it with gratitude to Thee, acknowledging this as the highest testimony of Thy love.
When thy Son, Jesus, came into my soul instead of sin He became more dear to me than sin had formerly been; His kindly rule replaced sin's tyranny. Teach me to believe that if ever I would have any sin subdued I must not only labour to overcome it, but must invite Christ to abide in the place of it, and He must become to me more than vile lust had been; that His sweetness, power, life may be there. Thus I must seek a grace from Him contrary to sin, but must not claim it apart from Himself.
When I am afraid of evils to come, comfort me by showing me that in myself I am a dying, condemned wretch, but in Christ I am reconciled and live; that in myself I find insufficiency and no rest, but in Christ there is satisfaction and peace; that in myself I am feeble and unable to do good, but in Christ I have ability to do all things. Though now I have His graces in part, I shall shortly have them perfectly in that state where Thou wilt show Thyself fully reconciled, and alone sufficient, efficient, loving me completely, with sin abolished. O Lord, hasten that day."

Puritan Prayer: Confession and Petition

2009-03-08T09:49:00.000-07:00

"No trial is so hard to bear as a sense of sin. If Thou shouldst give me choice to live in pleasure and keep my sins, or to have them burnt away with trial, give me sanctified affliction. Deliver me from every evil habit, every accretion of former sins, everything that dims the brightness of Thy grace in me, everything that prevents me taking delight in Thee. Then I shall bless Thee, God of Jeshurun, for helping me to be upright."

The Cross of Christ-February 09 Conference Evaluation

2009-03-07T11:31:00.000-08:00

At this past conference I learned a lot about the cross, or rather, the eyes of my heart and my mind were further opened to the unthinkable vulnerability, painful humility, and brutal reality accompanied with the cross of Jesus Christ. As unbearable, horrific, and agonizing as it is to visualize, Jesus Christ really did die on a cross. Now, being a Christian as well as working full time in youth ministry, it is shocking how often I hear that statement and think almost nothing of it! How ashamed I am to admit that all too often, “I am too busy” to take time out, to pause, and to think upon the cross of Christ. There is no excuse. It is purely me being selfish, ungrateful, and pathetically disgraceful to my Lord. And, if I am too busy to think about the cross for myself, then who am I to be teaching others about Christ and the cross?! What a tragic soul I have become, if I’ve become so numb to the cross. I cannot call myself a Christian, if I don’t believe in Christ and what He did for me on the cross. The meaning is lost completely as soon as Jesus is taken out of it all, may it never be so with me.

As sad as it is, I believe many people today have become numb to the cross. Brad pointed out in one of his sessions just how many people wear cross necklaces around the world, yet do so without realizing the significance of the very thing they’re wearing! The majority of people who wear crosses today do so because “it is fashionable.” Fashionable…what?! Since when did the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ become a fashionable thing?! It makes me sick just thinking about it. It is a real tragedy to think that the cross of Jesus-the symbol of the most sacrificial love of all time- has become so terribly misrepresented and poorly portrayed by those very people (Christian’s even), who wear it or claim to understand it; I am no exception to this!

Over the course of our lectures on the cross, it occurred to me that the further away the world gets from the cross, the more skewed the picture of the cross becomes to the world. I know that the further away I get from the cross; the more blurred my image of Jesus becomes, leaving me numb to the beauty and glory of Christ and what He did for me on the cross.

It was the most devastating event in history, as well as the most unexplainable and wonderful event of all time—the cross—beams of wood seeping with the sins of all the world, yet beams being soaked in the most precious blood ever to be shed-the blood of the Lamb. The cross—the righteous and innocent blood necessary to make everyone and everything wrong with the world, right, pure, and holy before God. This is the cross:
Jesus Christ dying for the sins of the entire world, so that all people, including myself, might experience eternal life with Him. Jesus Christ-the Son of GOD- beaten past the point of recognition, cruelly mocked, and publicly humiliated before so many. Jesus Christ-compassionate and loving to all, yet deserted by His closest friends for fear of losing their lives, as He willingly was losing His for theirs. Jesus--Flogged, scorned, pierced, nailed, shamed, naked, and alone—sacrificing His life as the penalty for the wages of my sin-death; He died so that so that I might live. Wow!

I took away so much from the lectures on the cross, but without going further into the theology of it all, I was reminded and learned so much about the importance of remembering Jesus, and the cross. What a tragic soul I have become, if I’ve become so numb to the cross. May it never be so with me…

This morning's meditation-C.H. Spurgeon, 3 March

2009-03-03T16:04:00.000-08:00

"I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction."—Isaiah 48:10.

COMFOURT thyself, tried believer, with this thought: God saith, "I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Does not the word come like a soft shower, assuaging the fury of the flame? Yea, is it not an asbestos armour, against which the heat hath no power? Let affliction come—God has chosen me. Poverty, thou mayst stride in at my door, but God is in the house already, and He has chosen me. Sickness, thou mayst intrude, but I have a balsam ready—God has chosen me. Whatever befalls me in this vale of tears, I know that He has "chosen" me. If, believer, thou requirest still greater comfort, remember that you have the Son of Man with you in the furnace. In that silent chamber of yours, there sitteth by your side One whom thou hast not seen, but whom thou lovest; and ofttimes when thou knowest it not, He makes all thy bed in thy affliction, and smooths thy pillow for thee. Thou art in poverty; but in that lovely house of thine the Lord of life and glory is a frequent visitor. He loves to come into these desolate places, that He may visit thee. Thy friend sticks closely to thee. Thou canst not see Him, but thou mayst feel the pressure of His hands. Dost thou not hear His voice? Even in the valley of the shadow of death He says, "Fear not, I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God." Remember that noble speech of Caesar: "Fear not, thou carriest Caesar and all his fortune." Fear not, Christian; Jesus is with thee. In all thy fiery trials, His presence is both thy comfort and safety. He will never leave one whom He has chosen for His own. "Fear not, for I am with thee," is His sure word of promise to His chosen ones in the "furnace of affliction." Wilt thou not, then, take fast hold of Christ, and say—

"Through floods and flames, if Jesus lead,
I'll follow where He goes."

Children's Praise Service

2009-03-02T14:09:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday I had the privilege of taking out all of the children @ Hooe Baptist to lead a separate service entirely for them. This had never been done before, but I felt it was important for them to have their own time to just be, children. Normally, the young kids and teenagers would sit through the adults worship time, and a Bible story before heading off to their different Sunday School classes; however, i feel that they've been missing out on being children before Jesus. My favourite part was worshiping with them. I never thought leading "children's worship songs" could be so much fun, and really such an act of worship for me personally. I was able to worship Jesus this last Sunday in a way I haven't been able to for a long while now. To my surprise, although I though I was teaching the kids about worship, they were actually teaching me. I had asked them if they knew what worship was, and one little girl raised her hand and said sweetly, "praising God!" Her answer was so simple, yet it brought me back to the heart of worship, to the cross and to the love of Jesus. I so often complicate worship and complicate my sacrifice before God. It's time I started praising God again , and forgot about doing things to enable myself to praise Him. Praising God was the little girls answer, and she was exactly spot on. Works are a tricky thing, and without a doubt, I get caught up in what I do. I think that in order to come before Jesus, I must first do before I can be. Ugh. Complications and substitutions. I've substituted works with Jesus. I'm sorry, Lord. I just want to start praising God again. In everything.

Anyways, I pulled out my guitar and taught the kids 4 songs and explained to them (and reminded myself at the same time) that worshiping Jesus can be fun, and we can enjoy worshiping because God created worship and therefore it's good and enjoyable! It was really encouraging to see the children actually singing, and praising God through silly dancing/motions/and clapping...etc. God is good. They taught me something this Sunday. Worship is a simple thing--worship is praising God! it's time I began worshiping Jesus again with the innocence and pure heart of a child. Forgive me, Lord, and bring me back to this child-like faith.

Can I do this?

2009-02-14T17:26:00.000-08:00

I am so tired.
so worn down.
My heart hurts deeply.
I physically feel the pain.
I miss my friends and my family more than words can say.
My head hurts from all the tiredness, stress, and crying.
The tears keep coming.
I wish they would let up, but my eyes have been raining for a while now.
Oh well. I can't do anything to stop it.
The emotion, the confusion, the stress, lack of trust, and the fear.
I don't understand this season.
I don't understand what God is doing with me, but I believe it's for good.
I really do believe that, although what I write might not sound convincing.
So much of "me" wants to give up...
yet that very thought makes me want to vomit for even thinking it.
I hate the sin in me, I just want it to be gone for good.

I just want Jesus...nothing else.
I don't want Rachel, or what "she does" to get in the way of CHRIST, and who HE is.
I want the world to want Jesus.
I want England to want Jesus.
I want Plymouth to want Jesus.
I want my youth to want Jesus.
I want everyone I know and love to want Him.
And everyone I don't as well.
I want Christ to be proclaimed...and I want it to start with me.
I don't want to waste anymore time, waiting for other Christians to rise up.
I want to proclaim Him with all boldness.

Oh the pain that comes with these desires.

Oh, Jesus.
Whether it be gently or harshly, please deal with me however You will. I want You, and I need you. Whatever you need to do with me, may it be so. I'm Yours to mold, Yours to change; I'm Yours forever. I'm coming to You because I have no where else to turn, and no one else to turn to.It's just You and me. Please come quickly to my aide. Help me. Hold me. Encourage me. Fill me. Love me. And please, speak to me. Your servant is listening. I love you, Jesus. Amen.

Somebody's Baby by Jon Foreman

2009-02-10T15:55:00.000-08:00

This song has really touched me and is causing me to look at people through different eyes....I hope it encourages you to do the same. It's amazing.

By Your Side

2009-02-10T15:27:00.000-08:00

As much as it feels I can't go on...the truth is I really can't. I can't do anything on my own strength. However, through Christ's strength and Spirit in me, I can do all things. He is by my side; my God is with me...and He will never leave me!

Jephthah's Vow

2009-02-05T07:17:00.000-08:00

I’ve maybe heard the story before, but I can’t fully remember. If I have read it, then sadly I wasn’t paying any attention to what I was reading and I missed the significance of it all. There is something so tragic and devastating, yet compelling and amazing hiding within the pages of Judges Chapter 11. I haven’t been able to
shake it from my thoughts for the last 24 hours. It is the story of a man whom truly loved God with all of his heart. It is also a story about a father and his daughter (I must admit, I fall for those quite easily). There is something so rich about a father’s love for his daughter. There is a unique, special, and God-given bond they seem to share with each other from the day she is born to him. There is nothing like it! I believe this father, Jephthah, was no different to any other father. I believe
he deeply loved his daughter with that all encompassed, wrapped-around-her finger, and rich type of love. She was his one and only child, Daddy’s little girl. His princess, his pride; His joy, and his world. In these 11 verses, we see this father at his best and at his worst. We not only see Jephthah the father, but Jephthah the warrior… and the weakling all within the matter of seconds. Little did he know that his vow to the Lord would cost him his precious little jewel in a matter of time. We see victory, and deep loss all in a matter of 2 months. How can this be? I found this story to be a life-changing account of a father so abandoned to God—a man so obedient and so willing to sacrifice anyone or anything the Lord’s sake! I believe it is also the account of a brave, young, special daughter who also had utmost reverence and obedience to God. Both were so reverent to Him that they would do whatever God commanded-no matter how excruciating the pain might be for them both. Both the father and daughter’s level of commitment is inconceivable….read for yourself….

“Then the Spirit of the LORD was upon Jephthah, and he passed through Gilead and Manasseh and passed on to Mizpah of Gilead, and from Mizpah of Gilead he passed on to the Ammonites. And Jephthah made a vow to the LORD and said, "If you will give the Ammonites into my hand, then whatever comes out from the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the Ammonites shall be the LORD’s, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering." So Jephthah crossed over to the Ammonites to fight against them, and the LORD gave them into his hand. And he struck them from Aroer to the neighborhood of Minnith, twenty cities, and as far as Abel-keramim, with a great blow. So the Ammonites were subdued before the people of Israel. Then Jephthah came to his home at Mizpah. And behold, his daughter came out to meet him with tambourines and with dances. She was his only child; besides her he had neither son nor daughter. And as soon as he saw her, he tore his clothes and said, "Alas, my daughter! You have brought me very low, and you have become the cause of great trouble to me. For I have opened my mouth to the LORD,and I cannot take back my vow." And she said to him, "My father, you have opened your mouth to the LORD; do to me according to what has gone out of your mouth, now that the LORD has avenged you on your enemies, on the Ammonites." So she said to her father, "Let this thing be done for me: leave me alone two months, that I may go up and down on the mountains and weep for my virginity, I and my companions." So he said, "Go." Then he sent her away for two months, and she departed, she and her companions, and wept for her virginity on the mountains. And at the end of two months, she returned to her father, who did with her according to his vow that he had made. She had never known a man, and it became a custom in Israel that the daughters of Israel went year by year to lament the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite four days in the year.” –Judges 11:29-40

Can you even imagine? I truly cannot. I can’t even begin to grasp the depth of pain and grief that the father must have felt knowing what he must do, and to whom he must do it. I cannot understand the intense fear that must have been gripping of his precious girl. I am in awe of the immense faith she had in both her earthly dad, and glorious Saviour. Oh the questions she must have been asking herself, her daddy, and her Father in heaven! Yet she showed such obedience, reverence, and willingness. I cannot imagine those two months. Two months of waiting for what is to come, knowing full well how difficult and tragic it is going to be. Two months of dread, doubting, sorrow, and complete confusion. Two months left to live. Wow. What must of her friends been thinking when she told them she was to die so soon? And even worse, when she told them why she had to die, and how it was going to happen? I just cannot imagine.

This is sacrifice.

As I think about this story, I am reminded of the bigger story. The story of Jesus. In the same way the girl came out of the house, rejoicing, and dancing toward her father, I believe Jesus came down from heaven, rejoicing, and moving towards His creation-His children. He knew full well what had to be done! And just as the girl knew she must be sacrificed, so Jesus also knew he must be—only this time—He would die as an offering of forgiveness and redemption of the entire world!! Jesus knew, yet in completely abandoned obedience and surrender, He submitted Himself to the will of His Father! Another parallel I found was that just as the girl spent time with her companions up on the mountain, Jesus also spent time with His closest friends and followers-the disciples-up on a mountain, in a garden, and wherever they went. He too had to foretell his death to those He knew and loved so dearly- in the same way as she did. Ah! Can you feel the heaviness like I can? Not only did Jesus know he was going to die, but He knew how He was going to die, and why He was going to! Wow. Now this, I really cannot imagine, understand, or take in what-so-ever—as hard as I try.

Sacrifice.

Praise the LORD-the end result of Jesus’ sacrifice was victory over death and the gift of forgiveness, love, mercy, and grace!! The end result of His sacrifice was not sadness, despair, and hopelessness, but RATHER through His resurrection, all man kind can now receive salvation, and eternal hope! Unlike the girl, Jesus rose again, and ascended back to heaven, where He is now seated at the right hand of God! Wow.

Jesus-the sacrifice that has changed the world; the sacrifice who’s changed my world.

Oh Father, give me such a willingness to sacrifice for you no matter what the stakes may be. I surrender fully to Your will-whatever You command, wherever You may lead. Be glorified in me.

Beloved

2009-02-05T04:59:00.000-08:00

A Confession on Test-taking

2009-01-31T06:45:00.000-08:00

I must admit something to you. I am a horrible test taker. It sounds silly, but I literally dread tests with all that is within me. Whether it be a math test, driving test, or some sort of "life" test; I dread it before it's even begun.

Why is that?

Well to be fair, ever since I was in elementary school tests have scared me; they have always made me feel anxious and even nauseous for hours (or even days) prior to taking the actual exam. I know it sounds pathetic, but it's true. I don't like tests and will do almost anything I can to avoid them all together. There is something about being put on the spot that really used scared me...and well...having that subconscious (or conscious) pressure to always succeed seemed to have the reverse effect on me. The very fact that I knew I need to succeed, causes me to do the opposite. This still happens to me today...

However, I've learned a lot of valuable lessons since then- most of which have actually come THROUGH testing as a matter of fact. I've learned that all people fail no matter how much you expect them not to or hope they won't- to which I myself am no exception. I learned that relationships hurt and take a lot of work, and that life doesn't always seem fair. I also have learned that God is faithful and that He is just. He will deal justly with myself along with the entire world when the time of judgment comes. God is the only constant. He is unchanging, unlike every other person or thing in this life. I've learned that as difficult and dreadful as tests can be, life is full of them...and they are actually essential to my growth-spiritutally, mentally, emotionally, and even physically. GOD uses testing- for my good, for our good, and for His glory! He allows tests so that we might grow closer to Him and become more like Him through it. He also uses tests to teach us, and to develop more of His character within us, and so on and so forth.

The tests will be many and tiresome; dreadful and seemingly unbearable at times. BUT...God is faithful always, and the lessons learned through the fire and through the testing will have such great eternal value and worth!

With all of that said however, here I am now years later, lying awake tonight feeling that familiar dread settling in once again. With that same school-girl nervous mentality and sick to my stomach feeling, I'm beginning to feel as if "this" is "the big one"...the test of all tests.

Oh Lord, as afraid as I am to even bring this up...I must ask You, is this all a big test? Is my life one long, nervracking, and neverending test? The waiting and the choosing; the moving and the settling; the losing and the gaining; the sacrificing and the keeping? What is it You're trying to teach me? Ugh. I never have been good at taking tests. I choke. I freeze. I lose confidence and resort to my human ability and strength, only to find that in the end, I really have none. Is it time for recess yet?

Apart from you Lord, I am just a mere failure, a sinner. I feel like the apostle Paul when he said in Romans, "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."

Oh Lord, help me find my strength in You. Help me pass this test. I'm so tired of living for me and for my selfish desires. I want to pass Your test. I want my life to count for the sake of Christ! I want to pass in Your Eyes Father, and in Your Kingdom. Nothing else matters more. May nothing distract me or cause me to choke. Lord, my life is You. Here I am Jesus...for You and for Your glory...Please help me pass this test.

A glance into the deep thoughts of my mind, and desperate desires of my heart...

2009-01-28T16:27:00.000-08:00

Ministry is hard. It really is. I'm tired and stressed; I get easily discouraged. I feel exhausted and worn out. The weight of the world is causing me to shrivel up as if I were a useless wad of scratch paper being crinkled up ready to be thrown away. I feel like I'm all alone; there's not a familiar person or thing in sight. The questions fill my head. I hate when I question You, Lord, but still I do. I ask God, "What am I doing here? Are You sure you know what You're doing? Are you still with me?" And so on.

This all sounds so pathetic. "Rachel, snap out of it!" I tell myself.
I must pause before thinking any more of these horrible thoughts...or else they they will soon consume me. I cannot let them conquer my heart, mind, or soul any further or else the damage could be permanent. "O God, I need you so much right now," I desperately cry out to my Father, "I need You here with me. I need Your encouragement and help."

Now as I type out my honest thoughts and begin to pray prayers like this, immediately something happens to me. An overwhelming sense of peace washes over me. How? I do not know. All I know is that this is God's peace. I can't explain it, but it's purely from Him. He takes the time to remind me of who He is. I don't understand how He can have so much time and patience for me, but He does. It must be because He truly loves me. He keeps being so loving, and giving me chances; I don't deserve either in the slightest. He is not just some mythical creature, or an ordinary person; sadly however, I am guilty of treating Him as if He were. May it not be so!! This is GOD! My God! The One and Only! Creator God! Immanuel! Yahweh! This is the God whom I've been seeking, questioning, and praying to for a number of years now. "Oh Rachel! How could you forget Him again? How could you forget His goodness, faithfulness, and compassion? How could you forget His blessings and His provision and His plan for your life? How could you forget His love and forgiveness?! Oh my soul, why are you so downcast with in me? Stop! Put your hope in God! Please! O God, please forgive me. Save me! Help me! Please! Come quick!"

As much emotion and sin there is within my heart and my mind right now, I must proclaim the truth. I must proclaim Jesus, as much as I don't feel I even can. I must proclaim freedom, victory, and hope! God is faithful and His blessings are abundant- even though I can't claim those "feelings" right this moment-it's the truth.

As backwards, twisted, and confusing as this all may sound- I'm really learning a lot right now. And although most of these lessons have come from difficulties, I am choosing...I will choose...and I MUST choose...to REJOICE in the fact that God is holding me securely in His hands! As wonderful as that sounds, and as true as it really is, I wish that this "rejoicing in Jesus" came naturally to me. I must admit, I find it quite hard to be joyful always, to pray continually, and to give thanks in all circumstances as it talks about in 1 Thessalonians. These 3 things are really difficult for me to do on a consistent, day-to-day basis.

"Oh Rachel. How I wish that throughout all seasons, tests, and trials, you would just naturally rejoice and worship the Lord through it."

I have no problem smiling, but that doesn't mean I'm rejoicing in my heart. And although I may be fooling you, the Lord does not fall for my pathetic, fake, and dull display of "togetherness". And yes, I tend to be a typically happy person, but happiness is so far from what I'm talking about and from what I believe God desires from me. It's so much deeper than that. I'm talking about the type of Joy that can solely come from knowing and experiencing the love, grace, and redemption found in Jesus Christ alone. This type of rejoicing is one that is so deep, and heart-felt; rejoicing that is an intimate act of worship towards God, no matter how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking.

Unfortunately, I fail in this area of rejoicing over and over again. Rejoicing is not a natural tendency Rachel has when it comes to facing and dealing with hardship. It goes against all that I am; Rejoicing (completely) clashes my selfish, stubborness, and prideful nature. No, I'm not justifying my lack of joy with my human nature; moreover, I despise my sinful nature. I despise the evil temptations and desires of my flesh. I despise the super human, distrusting, and self-reliant Rachel in me. I despise the anger and bitterness that so easily settles within my heart. I despise the arrogance that fills my mind. I despise the fact that I settle for less than God's best time and time again. I despise any laziness in me. I despise my fear and the shame within me that (so often) prevents me from sharing the Gospel. I despise my worldly self (that I sometimes long to go back to).

UGH! This is truly a battle; I'm only human. In this battle, however, I will not be defeated (even sometimes defeat seems like the easy way out). God will not allow Satan to win. He will not allow me to give up either, (as appealing as it seems sometimes).

In Psalm 55:18 I'm reminded that God will...

"Redeem my soul in safety from the battle that wages against me..."

That is all the Truth I need to keep on going. God will redeem my soul in safety. One day, the fighting and the horrific battle will cease. All the weapons, and enemies will drop to the ground, and my God will redeem me;I will be with Him forever!

"So What more do you need Rachel?" I quickly tell myself, "Put your hope in God once again, O my soul."

Oh Lord, I so long to possess more of You, and Your Godly characteristics and tendencies: Love, Holiness, Purity, Strength,Integrity, Compassion, Mercy, Grace...and beyond. For these my heart desperately cries out. I desire that nothing would come in between my Saviour and I; That nothing would cause me to lose sight of my Jesus, my Lord, and my prize. I just want to please the Father and to do His will always. And whatever that looks like, I want to rejoice my way through-fighting with every once of strength-His strength in me-until I take my last breath. I will seek God earnestly, with all my might, every step of the way; I will follow His lead with un-shifting focus and surrendered obedience. I will take hold of His hand through every blind stretch of land and through every dark valley. I will never let go; I will then follow His lead and tighten my grip as He guides me into Heaven someday! What a glorious and exciting day that will be!

MY God is taking (and will continue to take), each difficult thing I face and each discouragement I feel, and he will use them, along with my shortcomings, to break me down, to change me, to build me back up, to teach me, to draw me closer to Himself, and to deepen my dependency upon Him.

I'm learning to trust Him more and to take my God at His word. His promises are not empty, meaningless words. They are real and He is a God of faithfulness; The LORD is the Ultimate Promise Keeper. I have so far to go, and have so much more to learn, but all I know is that I want to become so much more reliant on Jesus that nothing of this world will ever even phase me because of the power of Christ in me.

Lord, I am Yours. Forever. Please...Do what you will with me, all for Your Name's sake.

To you be the Glory and the Power and Honour forever. Amen.

What do I know of Holy?

2009-01-27T14:25:00.000-08:00

This song has been touching my heart for many weeks now. Yes, weeks. It's funny to think that something as simple as a song could have such a powerful effect on me, but well, God's really been blessing me through it--and that in itself romances me. I love the fact that God loves to love me. I love how He knows just how to take my breath away. Whether it be through a verse, a quote, a phone call, or in this case, through a simple song sung by ordinary people-He romances me all the time. How wonderful is our God? I just love to love Him, and to be loved by Him. Aw. He truly is amazing.

Lately, I've found myself constantly thinking about these lyrics, or rather, deeply pondering the Holiness and Sovereignty of God (which happened to be generated through these specific lyrics). The Holy Spirit has really been opening up my heart and my mind to these things of God and I've been attaining more of a desire to praise the Lord for His holiness and Deity. The very fact that I cannot understand just how Holy and Perfect the LORD is fills me with such a sense of wonder and awe and adoration. God's Holiness provokes a heart of praise and worship within me. His holiness brings me to my knees whether I'm in my little bedroom or in a time of sung congregation worship. I do not understand just how Holy God is. I really don't. And as much as I desire to know Him, and become more like Him--I can't fully know Him. Although I can't fully comprehend Him mentally, I have experienced His holiness and His Sovereignty in ways that are far beyond decent or adequate explanation; these experiences have provided me with all of the evidence and faith that I need to believe that God is who He says He is, and that He alone is Holy, Glorious, and Sovereign. I've seen God's glory shining time and time again throughout scripture- in both the Old Testament and New Testament. I've seen His glory and His holiness so clearly in my own life as well. God's Holiness and goodness and glory are so beyond all description or definition. There is no One like Him. There is no One to compare Him to.

Which leads me back to the song, What do I even know of Him, for He is so Holy and so out of my league! I believe with all of my heart, mind, and soul that His Holiness is something so pure, so perfect, and so unfathomable and indescribable that my only response to His greatness can be worship Him and praise Him and glorify Him with all of my might and ability, in my inability to grasp Him!

I hope this song speaks to your heart as well...or rather, that the Spirit of God speaks to you through the lovely lyrics and beautiful melody...click on the link to enjoy! :)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=D8fSjtPLuBQ&feature=PlayList&p=52C6555C5DA8BCFF&index=0&playnext=1

My first driving lesson!

2009-01-27T07:36:00.000-08:00

Well, today was the day--my first driving lesson with an official UK driving instructor! Surprisingly, it went really well and was actually a lot of fun! I never thought I'd say it, but I'm actually really looking forward to my next lesson! :) I'm going to meet up with the instructor for the next lesson in a few weeks time, and until then I will be practice driving in my own little car!

It was quite an intense couple hours as she took me (rather, I took her) straight into Plymouth city center (which is quite huge and overwhelming). I drove all the major round abouts, and even drove on the motorway (English freeway)! There was a lot to take in (seeing how everything's different): The different car, streets, the steering wheel and clutch stick on the opposite side, driving on the "wrong side of the road", round abouts everywhere, all the different signs and terms, and so much more. Even to be driving a manual again was a bit different, but I took right to it-thank the Lord. Overall, she said I did really well and that she really enjoyed driving with me! She thinks I'll be a natural UK driver in no time! We'll see, but who would've thought? :)

I'm calling English driving my new adventure, as it is all very new and different to anything I've ever done before. It's scary, but exciting at the same time, and it felt good to just get out there and do it with the confidence and belief that I can learn and take a liking to it. The instructor is a lovely Christian lady with a very helfpul and constructive style of teaching! she really helped boost my confidence! :) Praise the Lord!

More to come on my new driving adventure...

An encouraging quote...

2009-01-24T18:25:00.001-08:00

Well it's nearly 3am and I can't seem to get to sleep. It's a shame, however, I was just reading the book "No Compromise" which is the life story of late Christian singer Keith Green. I just came across a wonderful quote and was quite encouraged so thought I would share it...

"If someone writes a great story, people praise the author, not the pen. People don't say, "Oh what an incredible pen...where can I get a pen like this so I can write great stories?" Well, I am just a pen in the hands of the Lord. He is the Author. All praise should go to Him."

Lord, you are the Author, use me as you please in this story of life. Both, in my story and in the story happening all around me.

A Car? Me? Driving in the UK!?

2009-01-24T18:02:00.000-08:00

Well, once again God has proved to be so GOOD and so faithful! He has provided for me in yet another huge way! My hosts, Colin and Audrey, have given me their old car--at no personal cost-- and as of today it officially belongs to me! They've already put the car in my name and the church has generously agreed to cover my insurance fees and driving lessons as well! I am allowed to legally drive over here with my American license for up to 6 months, and will be taking a few lessons in order to help me pass the UK driver's test (which is supposed to be much harder than the US one, yikes!)

This car is such a tremendous blessing to me as having it will enable me to do so much more, both for work and my personal life! I'm so thrilled about it and really can't thank the Lord enough for the way He is taking care of me over here. Amidst such spiritual opposition and difficulty, He has prevailed yet again and is reminding me of His love for me-not as a youth worker or missionary-but as His child. God is so good!

Oh and I've posted a pic of the car and am now open to name suggestions! :)

A Huge Praise Report!

2009-01-24T17:19:00.000-08:00

This last Tuesday evening (prior to youth group starting) a man came into the church hall, found one of my leaders, and said he was looking to speak to "Rachel". Immediately, I got a little nervous thinking that he was going to have some sort of complaint against the youth or myself and didn't know what to expect. The reason why I was nervous is because typically when an unfamiliar adult comes into the building, the outcome of their "visit" tends to be a negative and discouraging one.

Before I went home to the U.S. for Christmas so many different issues with the Tuesday night youth club arose. Now, looking back on the issues we were having, I feel it's important to remind myself that my team of helpers and I are working with all un-churched teenagers who are quite closed towards Christianity. Rude and immature behaviour is to be expected from any teenager, but especially teenagers who don't have any hope in Jesus. It wasn't that the teens were mis-behaving inside the building, however, when they were outside and on the streets they were causing a lot of trouble and were really upsetting some locals. Unfortunately, I had been dealing with quite a few phone calls from angry neighbors and even the police in regards to their behaviour each Tuesday. The problem was, they weren't under our authority when they were out on the streets, and there was nothing I could do to stop them from what they were doing. Neighbours felt like it was the church's problem that they were misbehaving, when in all honesty, we have no idea where they go and what they do once they leave our building. As messed up as it is, it's the way it is.

So with that background, you can probably imagine why I got a little concerned when this man walked in. Sadly, I thought the worst and was dreading any negative comments that he might have to say. However, much to my surprise, as soon as I stepped out and introduced myself his face suddenly changed and he shook my hand greeting me with a warm and thankful smile!! I was shocked! He went on to explain that he was a father of one of my boys, Alex, who's been coming since September. Alex's dad just wanted to thank my team and I for all that we've been doing for his son! He explained how much of a change he's seen in Alex and how the 'group' has been such a helpful thing for him. He repeatedly kept thanking me and was overwhelmed with gratitude. He said that he was so thankful that there were still some "good people" left in this world and he wanted us to know that him and his wife were very appreciative of us and the fact that we were running these youth groups for kids like his son.

The Friday before this Tuesday night, I had decided it would be fun to throw Alex a big birthday party at the youth group (called Hope) so that we could try and give him a special day. I bought some birthday banners, balloons, a b-day cake, card, and small gift for Alex; we went on to have a wonderful youth group celebration of his birthday! I could tell Alex really enjoyed his party, and was just so thankful he showed up! :) IWhy am I saying all of this? Because that Friday night Alex left the youth group and went home "glowing with joy" telling his mum and dad how special he felt and so on. His dad was blown away that "volunteer people" down at the small "youth center" (aka...church) would do this for his son and help make his birthday special. This is what prompted him to come down on the Tuesday night, wow, Praise God! He ended up wanting to do something to thank us so wrote us a donation check to thank us once again for the work that we are doing! Again, I was completely blown away, almost to the point of tears.

Here was this non-Christian father who has rarely (if ever) stepped foot in a church, and HE is thanking US for making a difference in his son's life and his own, AND he donated to the church! It was brilliant!! I just wanted to tell him flat out, "what you're seeing and hearing about has nothing to do with us-it's JESUS!" However, it wasn't the right time to say that, so I held back.

But wow. It's just amazing to me what God is doing and the lives that He is touching!! I'm so thankful to be here and to be a small part of it. I'll admit, ministry has not been easy in the slightest and it has been very discouraging at times, so it was such a huge encouragement to hear from this dad! Also, I'm very confident that I will see him again, but only next time, I hope to see him when he's sitting in the church on a SUNDAY morning! We will see what happens, but I know God is tugging on his heart and his family-so that is VERY exciting! God really is moving and working in huge ways although it's hard to see sometimes. What an encouragement it was though to be told about just one of the lives that God is chaning! And the other amazing thing....

About 3 months ago this same boy, Alex, was caught stealing from a local grocery store. He was actually grounded from our youth group for a month, and I hoped and prayed I'd be able to see him again after his grounding period was over! Praise the LORD--the first week he was allowed back, he came! And now, a couple months later, I am seeing a totally changed young boy and it is absolutely fantastic. He has become so respectful and different-it's amazing. I know it's God working completely, and I take such joy in that! Alex might not know it yet, but both him, his dad, and his family are closer to Jesus than they think and THAT is what this is all about!!

Praise the Lord! He is so wonderful and worthy of our praise! I've posted a picture of Alex below and wanted to ask you to please remember him and his family in your prayers. I would really appreciate it! :) Pray that they come to know Jesus, someday, hopefully sooner than later, but in God's perfect timing!

Grace

2009-01-22T16:50:00.000-08:00

-Phil Wickham-

My 1st Birthday...in a different country!

2009-01-22T07:03:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I celebrated my 19th birthday with some of my close friends from SWYM! I headed to Yeovil- a little town about 2 and a half hours away from where I live in Plymouth-where my friends live and work. To my surprise, the railroads were all being worked on which turned my so called 'direct journey' into 3 coaches, 1 train, and a 5 and a half hour 'adventure' to see my friends! However, despite the mix-ups it was all very worth it; I was just happy to finally be back with my friends.

Prior to leaving Plymouth however, so many emotions were filling my head. This was my first birthday away from home, and it started to hit me. Change. The sting, the fear, the nervousness, and the reality of it all. All of a sudden it struck me just how much has changed in the last 5 months of my life.

I'd lived in Oregon since I was born, and suddenly I found myself living over 5,000 miles away in the a foreign country-Englad-my dream country! The one country I've always hoped to visit since I was a little girl. England-the place where I now LIVE!? My life-long dream coming true, yet so much change coming with it! Obviously, change is inevitable so forgive me as I think out loud. The changes hit me differently each day. Some days I don't know whether to jump up and down for joy because of this new place, these new people, and this new life. Other days all I want to do is cry because I miss my former home and my family, I miss my closest friends, and I miss the familiar. All of this got me thinking. I am currently in a long-distance relationship with everyone I've ever known and loved! Friends and family who were once just a short car ride or text away are now halfway across the world from me where a (skype) phone call is the best there is, letters have to do, and texting is too expensive to try. Change. It's come. And not only is it knocking on my door, it's shattered the door and made it's home in my living space, work, and life in general.

I've experienced changes since I first arrived in the UK, but this past weekend they've just hit me differently. Maybe it's because it was my birthday, and maybe it's because I wasn't able to spend it with my twin brother for the first time in 19 years-or maybe not. Whatever the case may be, a seemingly tragic truth occurred to me while I was on the coach...

I'm not going back to 'the familiar' anytime soon. Home is thousands of miles away, and out of reach. I will not see my family whom I care so much about, nor my friends whom I miss so dearly for many months to come. At just the thought of that, tears filled my eyes on the coach, and are filling my eyes now. But I don't understand. Are these tears of joy, or sadness? Or both? I think it's both, but I'm yet to be certain. I absolutely love being in the UK, but the realisation that this is all really happening has left me in this overwhelmed, unsure, and emotional state.

However, as depressing as this may sound, there is one thing that brings a calm to my heart, thoughts, and emotions at this very moment. God's underlying peace is filling my soul. Beneath the shell of all that I am and all that I feel, there you will find God's peace. I am reminded today, once again, of His love for me. I am reminded of His provision over my life and the things that He has spared me from. I am reminded of His grace upon such an undeserving sinner like myself. I am reminded of how He brought me here in the first place, and the hours spent in prayer and seeking the Lord that went into making this final decision to come. This wasn't a spur of the moment idea, it was a God oriented idea. I'm reminded of all the questions I was asking Him 5 months ago and the direction He has given me each step of the way leading up to today. His promises are my constant hope, and Jesus is my source of joy. He is my familiar and my sense of security and consistency. The Lord has brought me here, therefore, He will take care of me. He will be with me. He is with me at this very moment, giving me the strength to carry on, to endure, and to even write this. He has asked me to give up what I once knew, to pick up my cross and follow Him into a foreign place, into the unknown, and into the mystery of a life completely surrendered to Him. I'm still confused, but I really do feel such peace. The one thing that makes sense to me is Christ. I desire more of Him. I desire more of Jesus in me, and complete obedience to God's will for me. I desire the Spirit's leading, and no one elses. I do not want to be in control. I don't know where God is taking me, where I will end up in few years time, or even tomorrow. All I know and all I have is Jesus. I believe with all of my heart that God is guiding me in His will, and I will choose to take great comfourt and delight in that.

In the past summer months (prior to leaving for England in August 08), I told God something. I made a vow to Him, and a commitment that I have promised to fulfill and never to break. I promised Him I'd say yes to Him. Yes, no matter what that looked like, and no matter where that led. And as I began to make this commitment to Him, suddenly I heard myself echoing Paul's prayer in Philippians...

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." -Philippians 1:20-21

That was the prayer of my heart then, vow of my lips 5 months ago, and still is today. Whatever I do, and wherever I go; however long I'm here or there; no matter how long I'm alive on earth or alive in Heaven--it's Jesus. Jesus is my life. England isn't my life. America is not my life. People are not my life. My life is Jesus, and wherever He is, that is where I will be also.

Lord, please give me the strength.

"Let the morning bring word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You...
Show me the way I should go...for to You I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, for I hide myself in You.
Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God;
may Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
For Your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life..."

-Psalm 143:8-11a

Passion, prayer, and more...

2009-01-22T06:59:00.001-08:00

The main theme of this past conference was passion. Although passion is a common topic among “Christians” today, I believe it is 1) something that we are quick to talk about, and 2) something that easily excites us; However, when it comes to actually activating this passion for Jesus—In our hearts, minds, and lives—we can (even more quickly) become sidetracked, discouraged, and lazy in our pursuit.

In my opinion, passion is something we should always be desiring more of, and striving harder to attain; it is essential to living effectively for Christ! But how do can we do this? With this desire for more passion comes more questions- questions that I have asked myself countless times: What is passion all about? How can I become more passionate? What does a passionate Christian look like? What was Jesus’ passion? How was Jesus’ passion so contagious? And so on.

Although it might sound as if passion is something difficult to create or cultivate; passion is actually natural. Passion is a powerful emotion or feeling for something you believe in strongly, such as loving or hating. You can passionately hate something with all that is in you, or vise versa. Passion is also contagious and naturally draws people in either a positive or negative way. So, when you put this altogether, really being passionate isn’t the hard thing to do. We are already passionate beings—everyone is passionate about someone or something in this life. With that being said, we as Christians should be so consumed with this all abandoned love and deep emotion for Jesus that our passion for Him naturally overflows from within us for all to see and experience Him through us.

All of this talk about passion at conference made me want to be so much more passionate about Jesus, and really, encouraged me to fall more in love with Jesus!

At conference we also were reminded of simple ways to keep this passion alive within us, because it’s important that once that passion has sparked, that you know how to keep the flame burning steadily. Our passion for Jesus has to start with the Spirit creating it within us, however; it doesn’t stop there. We as human beings and children of God have the great privilege and responsibility of keeping this passion alive and feeding it so that it grows more and more within us for all to see! One of the biggest ways we learned about in helping keep our passion alive is through prayer. Yes, prayer. It sounds like the perfect, church expected answer, but really spending time with God in prayer is such a huge part of our love for Him! If you are passionate about someone or something, spending time investing in that very person or thing is vital to a healthy and passionate relationship! In the same way, we must be spending time with our Heavenly Father and in communication with the Spirit as we desire more of a passion for Him in our lives! Prayer is the key!

The verses that really spoke to me throughout all of the sessions and devotionals were from 2 Timothy 1:5-7.Paul writes to Timothy saying, “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.”

Paul didn’t want Timothy to lose sight of his spiritual heritage, and the faith that had gone before him. There are examples of faithful Christ followers all around us, and there have been so many in the past. As Christians, whether we grew up in a ‘Christian home’ or not, we do come from a spiritual heritage of strong and passionate believers. We must not forsake our first love, and we must not forsake our passion, but rather—enhance, re-kindle, and ignite it through prayer and devotion to God, His Word, and His people!

The Holy Spirit

2009-01-22T06:58:00.000-08:00

God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit—when it comes to hearing about the trinity and to learning about who ‘God is’ we often hear the most about God the Father and God the Son-Jesus. However, in many churches and around the world today, the Holy Spirit is rarely spoken about, taught on, or clearly understood. Why is that? After many hours of teaching, discussion, and study on the Holy Spirit, and His role, my personal conclusion to that question is this: The “so called” lack of understanding and clarity I feel has really been a lack of desire for that understanding of the Holy Spirit, and actually, I believe it’s been an issue of fear.

At this last January conference I was personally convicted of the fear that has been gripping my heart when it comes to wanting to understand the Holy Spirit and desiring to experience more of His power working in my life. I believe that I’ve been fearful of this because of the fact that I didn’t grow up learning much about the Holy Spirit, but simply accepting the Spirit as the less important part of the unity. As sad as that is, it is true. Thankfully, over the years I’ve been learning more about the Holy Spirit, but conference really helped me grasp things, and understand the role of the Spirit in a more intimate and in-depth way.

The Spirit of God is not just some magical mist or wind blowing around or flowing through people- through dwelling IN God’s people, the Spirit is an actual living being who speaks, leads, has feelings, and truly exists.

Just as God the Father, and Jesus, the Holy Spirit has always been. For some reason I used to think that it was God and Jesus in the beginning, and then the Spirit showed up later. Even though I knew that wasn’t true, and that my perception of the Triune God was skewed, I still believed it.

I really was blessed by what our speaker, Steve Uppal, had to say and the way he clearly communicated what God says about the Holy Spirit in the Bible. The couple sessions we spent learning about the Spirit truly impacted me and were so convicting. Although the teaching was stuff I had heard before, throughout conference I was able to take all of that previous head knowledge and my pre-conceived ideas and views of the Holy Spirit, and allow God to change my heart and my mind. I left filled with a new longing and deeper desire for more of God’s Holy Spirit in my life!

There really aren’t words to describe how freeing and exciting life has already started to become as I’ve been allowing God’s spirit to truly dwell in me and live through me!

Praise the Lord-The Father, Son, and SPIRIT!